Dear Logan,
Yesterday marked the last day of school at CCLC for your brother. Another chapter of his life has closed, but that only means another chapter is about to open. Even though Aidan has only been to CCLC for 18 months, he has grown and learned, and made many new friends. I remember the day when we visited CCLC, and I even brought you with me. I remember I had you in my arms, while carrying a backpack with your oxygen tank. I must have scared a few teachers along the way.
There were ups and downs during your brother's short stay. The main event had to be when the teachers and Director of the program recommended your brother to be tested for Autism. It's not the worst news of the world, as you know I've HAD the worst news before, but it's still devastating. We went through testing through Kaiser, and of course your brother was fine. He was just being a 3-year old boy.
Fast forward to today. He's 4.5 and will be onto the next journey to a new school in September. He has made so many new friends, been to so many birthday parties, given the opportunities to explore and learn. I am going to think of the positive of the ridiculous staff turnover at school, and think of it as a learning opportunity for Aidan to learn from each teacher he has the pleasure to work with. He loves school. Most of the time when I pick him up from school, he wouldn't want to go, but to continue playing with his friends. I have seen him mature, especially within the last few weeks. Instead of being a monkey and running around, riding his tricycle or swinging on the play structure, he's been sitting down quietly playing tic-tac-toe, writing, or doing some quiet activities in the afternoon.
I sure wish Aidan would love school as much as he does at his new school, and for the rest of his life.
Love,
Mommy
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
How to find the balance
Dear Logan,
I've always tried to be very cognizant of the fact that your brother is an only child (not that I want to negate your existence), and that I can't spoil him rotten. But also because of you, I've treasured the time and things that I do with him even more. Well, granted I have my many moments of sitting in front of my laptop or TV instead of playing with him. I always try to make sure he is happy and I want him to grow up to be happy and healthy. Sometimes, I find it difficult to find that balance of catering to his happiness versus disciplining and not spoiling him.
He's only 4.5 yrs old. He's a happy and healthy. He loves going to school and playing with his friends. Because he's not a baby anymore, he ought to know what he should and shouldn't do (for certain things). I think sometimes we forget that he's still only a little boy, though he talks and acts like a little man these days. Should we discipline him because he's not sitting still at the dinner table, or let it slide because he's only a 4 year-old energetic boy? Should we force him to finish dinner, or let him go to bed hungry and learn his lesson? Are we treating him like a 14-yr old sometimes, expecting too much from him? He drives me crazy sometimes when he doesn't listen. I just need to remind myself that, he's only 4. But, am I letting him get his away by always using the excuse that he's still little? What's the middle road?
It's hard enough to find the balance in life for myself. And it's even harder when you're a parent, trying to be a good and fair one, versus a mean and angry one. The fact that I am 99.9999% sure that your brother will grow up as an only child, just makes this balance even more important.
Speaking of being the only child, it always saddens me when I go to a park or attend a birthday party, and then see other kids playing with their siblings. Your brother will never be able to play with you anymore. It hurts every single time I think about it. I miss you, and I want him to have someone to play with. I don't want Aidan to grow up to be lonely.
The other day, he was going through my computer and watching all the videos that I've taken. He came across your pictures and your videos, and kept on playing this one video of your cooing and sneezing. Oh, how I miss you at that point. I told your brother I missed you, and he said he missed you, too. He still remembered you were at the hospital, and when he asked why you're there, I had to explain to him that you were sick. I was glad I have taken pictures and videos of you (wishing I had taken a lot more), because Aidan can always watch them again, and never forget about you. I don't know when he will be old enough to know the truth of your passing, and why we kept on visiting you at the cemetery. I dread the arrival of that day.
I know I should write more often. I just find it harder and harder to find the time and energy to actually write. There are many things I want to tell you. But by the time I actually sit down, I forget what I was going to say.
Miss you,
Mommy
I've always tried to be very cognizant of the fact that your brother is an only child (not that I want to negate your existence), and that I can't spoil him rotten. But also because of you, I've treasured the time and things that I do with him even more. Well, granted I have my many moments of sitting in front of my laptop or TV instead of playing with him. I always try to make sure he is happy and I want him to grow up to be happy and healthy. Sometimes, I find it difficult to find that balance of catering to his happiness versus disciplining and not spoiling him.
He's only 4.5 yrs old. He's a happy and healthy. He loves going to school and playing with his friends. Because he's not a baby anymore, he ought to know what he should and shouldn't do (for certain things). I think sometimes we forget that he's still only a little boy, though he talks and acts like a little man these days. Should we discipline him because he's not sitting still at the dinner table, or let it slide because he's only a 4 year-old energetic boy? Should we force him to finish dinner, or let him go to bed hungry and learn his lesson? Are we treating him like a 14-yr old sometimes, expecting too much from him? He drives me crazy sometimes when he doesn't listen. I just need to remind myself that, he's only 4. But, am I letting him get his away by always using the excuse that he's still little? What's the middle road?
It's hard enough to find the balance in life for myself. And it's even harder when you're a parent, trying to be a good and fair one, versus a mean and angry one. The fact that I am 99.9999% sure that your brother will grow up as an only child, just makes this balance even more important.
Speaking of being the only child, it always saddens me when I go to a park or attend a birthday party, and then see other kids playing with their siblings. Your brother will never be able to play with you anymore. It hurts every single time I think about it. I miss you, and I want him to have someone to play with. I don't want Aidan to grow up to be lonely.
The other day, he was going through my computer and watching all the videos that I've taken. He came across your pictures and your videos, and kept on playing this one video of your cooing and sneezing. Oh, how I miss you at that point. I told your brother I missed you, and he said he missed you, too. He still remembered you were at the hospital, and when he asked why you're there, I had to explain to him that you were sick. I was glad I have taken pictures and videos of you (wishing I had taken a lot more), because Aidan can always watch them again, and never forget about you. I don't know when he will be old enough to know the truth of your passing, and why we kept on visiting you at the cemetery. I dread the arrival of that day.
I know I should write more often. I just find it harder and harder to find the time and energy to actually write. There are many things I want to tell you. But by the time I actually sit down, I forget what I was going to say.
Miss you,
Mommy
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Quiet evening
Dear Logan,
Mommy got a little time tonight to enjoy a quiet evening in my office. I don't spend much time down here, since I am usually with your brother in the living room, using my laptop or just watching TV. Since Daddy is sleeping with Aidan tonight, and there's nothing on TV, I am spending a little more time in my office web surfing (as always) and organizing some pictures.
We went to Gilroy Gardens today again. Aidan and I got the season passes, and we're definitely making good use of them. We've already been to the park 4 times this season. Got my money worth! Gilroy Gardens is a fun little theme park where your brother can get on most rides. We had a lot of fun today with many uncles and aunties as well, and had a delicious picnic lunch. It's such a beautiful and fun day.
Aidan actually caught a stomach virus earlier this week. He had a fever for two days, and threw up 3 times one day. I was especially worried this time around because he appeared so tired and sleepy. He's had fevers before and has thrown up before, but he's still usually pretty much like himself. But this time around, he was so tired and sleepy on the first day he got a fever that I got a little concerned. I know from experience that calling Kaiser is not much of a help. I already knew what to do when it's a low-grade fever since he's had quite a fever of those throughout his life. Luckily, he got better after a couple of days.
Three more weeks to my vacation. I've been planning and looking forward to this vacation for MONTHS. I can't wait to spend more time with my family, go to Disneyland and to Las Vegas. You know, Mommy gets super obsessive when it comes to travel planning. I've been obsessively reading forum posts and trip reports on Tripadvisor, and continues to search for great hotel deals online. Vacations are expensive, I need to make sure I am getting the best deals in town, so that I can have some extra money for shopping, eating and a little gambling.
How are you doing up there?
Love,
Mommy
Mommy got a little time tonight to enjoy a quiet evening in my office. I don't spend much time down here, since I am usually with your brother in the living room, using my laptop or just watching TV. Since Daddy is sleeping with Aidan tonight, and there's nothing on TV, I am spending a little more time in my office web surfing (as always) and organizing some pictures.
We went to Gilroy Gardens today again. Aidan and I got the season passes, and we're definitely making good use of them. We've already been to the park 4 times this season. Got my money worth! Gilroy Gardens is a fun little theme park where your brother can get on most rides. We had a lot of fun today with many uncles and aunties as well, and had a delicious picnic lunch. It's such a beautiful and fun day.
Aidan actually caught a stomach virus earlier this week. He had a fever for two days, and threw up 3 times one day. I was especially worried this time around because he appeared so tired and sleepy. He's had fevers before and has thrown up before, but he's still usually pretty much like himself. But this time around, he was so tired and sleepy on the first day he got a fever that I got a little concerned. I know from experience that calling Kaiser is not much of a help. I already knew what to do when it's a low-grade fever since he's had quite a fever of those throughout his life. Luckily, he got better after a couple of days.
Three more weeks to my vacation. I've been planning and looking forward to this vacation for MONTHS. I can't wait to spend more time with my family, go to Disneyland and to Las Vegas. You know, Mommy gets super obsessive when it comes to travel planning. I've been obsessively reading forum posts and trip reports on Tripadvisor, and continues to search for great hotel deals online. Vacations are expensive, I need to make sure I am getting the best deals in town, so that I can have some extra money for shopping, eating and a little gambling.
How are you doing up there?
Love,
Mommy
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