Being a parent does not get easier...

Dear Logan,

As I was at church this morning listening to the homily, my mind drifted off to thinking about being a parent and raising a child.  Not that I wasn't paying attention, but the speech of love prompted this thought.

When Aidan was a baby, I often read that being a parent would get easier as the child grows older.  Eventually, I realized I disagree to that saying.  I find that it does NOT really get easier, in a sense that, the responsibility of a parent becomes heavier.  When Aidan was a baby, I worried about him being safe, being fed, being changed, and being attended to.  It might have seemed very difficult, as I was a new parent without family around to help out, and the tiny little baby seemed to delicate.  I remember thinking I wish he's still inside my tummy, as it's safer and I wouldn't drop him on the floor.  We often underestimate a baby/toddler's ability to bounce back from getting hurt, and their adaptability.  It also helps that Aidan was a pretty easy baby and didn't fuss much.

As he grew older, I worried about him bumping into things, putting tiny objects in his mouth and of course, being healthy and safe.  But he was still a good and cute boy, despite some terrible twos behaviors.  Overall, still pretty easy to deal with.  He's not a picky eater, he's friendly and happy, and loved playing with all children.  He enjoyed singing and dancing, and especially playing on the laptop.

Attending preschool was great.  He played with friends, was social and enjoyed learning in school.  He would come home and sing me songs, tell me who he played with, and make up silly lyrics to our make-up songs.  He continued to be in good health (thank god), and was behaving well at school.  But I could see some distinct personality traits coming out.  I saw the stubbornness in him, the difficulty in dealing with frustrations, and generally acting like a four or five-year old boy.  The difficulty in balancing the idea of him still being a 'baby' and old enough to behave a certain way, starts to weigh on my shoulders.

Now that he's 6 years old, I can't use the excuse that he's still young and doesn't understand. Being a parent, it's my job to make sure he understands.  It is not just making sure he's fed, clothed, and safe anymore.  It's more about teaching him good values, and guiding him to grow up to be a good person.  I need to constantly talk to him about being polite, to be grateful and thankful, to not throw a tantrum when things don't go the way he wants.  I need to teach him about sportsmanship, to play fair, to share, to understand that it's ok to lose, and what behaviors are appropriate at different times.  He's at an age where he can slowly grasp these ideas, these intangible ideas that are so difficult to practice in real life.  He's at an age where he's innocent enough that he's eager to learn, and eager to please.

As all these teaching, shaping and molding affect his life in the future, isn't being a parent more difficult now than when he was a newborn?


Love,
Mommy