CPR class hit close to my heart

Dear Logan,

Had my work CPR re-certification today. It was a pretty uncomfortable 2.5 hours, because it brought back too many sad memories of you. The talk about knowing someone who passed away, to the instructor repeatedly mentioning CPR is done on DEAD people, to revisiting my experience on calling 911 when you turned purple on me and I had to "wake" you back up - these were really gruesome hours and I could feel my eyes swelled up a little. The worst part was instructor's description of noticing the face of the person in need -- waxy-looking, meaning it was too late for CPR already.

Oh, how I clearly remember when you became my porcelain angel the day you left me. The whole class was like a flashback of the last month of your life, starting from the 30 mins before the 911 call.

I'm glad the class is over. If I were to stay with my agency again, I would have to do this again 3 yrs later. At least by then, the wound won't be as fresh as today's.

It's been 8.5 months, and it still hurts.


Miss you,
Mommy