Mother's Day spent with my Dearest

My Dear Baby,

It's Mother's Day. It should be a day that I celebrate with you and your big brother. It's a day that you two monkeys give me big hugs and kisses, and tell me "I love you, Mommy". Even though you're not here, I know you whisper those words to me in Heaven. Mother's Day has been commercialized. People say everyday should be Mother's Day and we don't need a day to tell us to be good to our mothers. In a way, I agree. But I still want a special day! I don't care about commercialism, I want to celebrate Mother's Day!!!

I've read many sad blogs about today, because so many mothers are still grieving. Some still couldn't move on, and decided not to celebrate Mother's Day. Others like me, continue to celebrate. I don't know how I feel if I don't have your big brother. I might just be so sad to do anything, because you're not here with me. Fortunately, your big brother has been my strength. He makes Mommy and Daddy happy. Mommy will continue to miss and love you, but Mommy will also continue to be a good mommy to your brother. I want to celebrate Mother's Day, because it's a special day for him as well. He might not understand the meaning of today, but I know he will have good memories.


Mommy's day started with a pretty waffle breakfast made by Daddy. We then headed to the San Francisco Zoo. We did not hit every single area, as it became late and your brother was getting really tired. The best part for him was to see animals that he has been reading from books, especially, his Diego book, EVERY NIGHT. He got to see the real chinchilla, armadillo, tapir, anteater, bears, monkeys, owls, and lions. We saw other animals, too, but the ones I mentioned were his favorites, esp. Chinchilla and Anteater. We read about them every night, and he wanted Mommy to draw an anteater every night. I was surprised to actually see them at the zoo.

The most memorable moment? Running in horror as a swarm of bees slowly descending upon us and everyone else who were admiring the prairie dogs. It was scary! Mommy was literally carrying your brother and running out of the area, as the bees were hitting us at eye level. Thank goodness we're ok. We also got on the steam train. Your big brother likes trains. Daddy didn't like waiting in line, but Mommy forced him to. Luckily, we waited for less than 30 mins, if not Daddy would get grouchy and your brother would get super impatient.

It was a fun and tiring day. Your brother got home and immediately fell asleep after putting him to bed. Mommy got super sunburned with red arms and raccoon eyes. Did you see all of the action in heaven? How I wish you were there with us. There were so many families there, since it's free zoo day. Every time I saw a baby passed by, I thought of you.

Mommy and big brother will be going back to Macau tomorrow night. You need to watch over us and also keep Daddy company, ok?

Time for Mommy to sleep. I have included some pictures of your brother's favorite animals. Too bad I couldn't get a good picture of the chinchilla (he was running around too fast), or the armadillo (too dark). Enjoy!

Taken when riding the Steam Train

Anteater!

Prairie Dogs - They were so cute and your brother enjoyed watching them running around (also when the bees start attacking us)

Petting a snake! He also got to pet an iguana and hedge hog.

Owl!

Love you,
Mommy

Mother's Day celebration with Grandma and Stacy's Wedding

Good morning sweetheart,

How are you? Did you enjoy our visit and the flowers yesterday? I tried to explain to your big brother that you're living at your new home with other children now. I am not sure how much he understands, but I think he understands a lot more than I give him credit. When I told him we're going to Church for your mass, he said "Don't Cry". He actually said that twice. He remembered last time we went to church, I was crying because it was your good-bye mass.

After visiting you, we met up with Uncle John and Auntie Katie for dim sum, a Mother's Day lunch for grandma. It was a lovely lunch and your brother ate so much fried stuff and couldn't stop drinking his strawberry yogurt drink.

Then we went to Super Suppers to pick up some frozen meals. Daddy's Tun Tavern friends have given us a VIP membership to Super Suppers for 3 months, so that we could have 12 meals and 2 sides each month. They gave us the gift when you're still in the hospital, as scheduling to shop and cook was difficult. Now Daddy could enjoy the meals when Mommy and Brother go back to Macau next week. We then dropped off your brother at Grandma's house. Grandma was watching Aidan because Daddy and Mommy had to attend Auntie Stacy's wedding.

Speaking of the wedding, it was beautiful and so "Auntie Stacy". The Jewish ceremony was funny and touching. This is the first Jewish wedding Daddy and Mommy have attended, so we're unfamiliar with the traditions. I think the Rabbi did a great job. The restaurant, Sens, at Embarcardero 4, was beautiful. The lamb meatballs, smoked salmon, chicken kabobs, fried cheese cubes appetizers were delicious! Now we're expecting great food to come later. Can't beat an open bar as well. Because Daddy and Mommy were seated at the last table, food came out last. We had to eat super fast because we had to pick up your big brother. Grandma had to work today, so Aidan couldn't stay overnight. But the lamb chops were delicious!! We had to leave right when the First Dance started and missed out on the dessert, cake-cutting and dancing.

Daddy and Mommy wanted to come back to this restaurant another night to try another dish. This is one of the best weddings I've ever attended. Auntie Stacy and Uncle Jason look so happy, and Mommy is very happy for them. Please watch over Auntie Stacy and Uncle Jason when they travel to Israel for their honeymoon next week. Auntie Stacy has been a good friend of Mommy, and she has also come to visit you at the hospital. Remember the cute stuff little lamb that she got you?

Mommy needs to get ready to go to the zoo now. We're spending Mother's Day there. I'll give you all the details about our trip tonight, ok? For now, enjoy some pictures taken at the wedding.

Mommy spotted Auntie Stacy when I first arrived. Isn't she beautiful?

Daddy and Mommy waiting for the ceremony to start

Auntie Stacy signing her Jewish Marriage Certificate

Delicious Lamb Chop!

The Wedding Cake

First Dance

Miss you,
Mommy

Mother's Day Weekend has begun

Hello Sweetheart,

How are you today? It must be hot down in Los Altos today. Are you enjoying the sun? Mommy thought about you a lot today, mainly due to me watching the series finale of "ER". I know, Mommy was just telling you yesterday how medical shows get me all sad. But since I have the episode recorded for so long, and I've caught up with my other shows, I figure I should watch it. Of course they had to have a patient dying, and husband had to reluctantly let her go by making her comfortable, and not suffer even more with treatments that wouldn't cure her. It reminded me of your situation, and the last hours that we spent with you. I still remember very vividly how that day went. I don't think I will ever forget that.

I was also reading the blog about Maddie. Maddie gained a lot of attention in the blogosphere, especially, when she passed away. She left a week before you did. I was reading what her mother wrote, about her and their time together. Her mother was grieving just like me, probably more than me because she got to spend a lot more happy times with Maddie than me with you. But I was also jealous of them. They got a lot of non-hospital days together. Her mother posted pictures and videos of her. She was a happy girl. But I never got to experience the joy of you smiling, sitting, crawling, or walking. Our time together was so limited.

Mother's Day weekend has finally begun. I am sad that you could only be with us in spirit. It would be so much fun if we could all go to the zoo together on Sunday. It's supposed to be a beautiful weekend.



On a happier note, your brother gave Mommy his first Mother's Day present. It's an artwork that he did at school. Priceless. He came home, showed that to me, and said "Happy Mother's Day". I don't think he knows what that means, just like saying "Trick or Treat". It still melts my heart, because it's his first gift to me. And then at night when we're reading, he said "Happy Mother's Day" again. Maybe he understands the meaning more than I thought?

I remember Mother's Day of 2006, I sent Ah Po a bouquet of flowers through this website that I found. It's my first real Mother's Day after giving birth to your brother. That's when I truly know how hard it is to be a good mother. All the emotions, responsibilities, ups and downs, that come with this role. I appreciate Ah Po so much more.

Speaking of your brother's artwork, he's really not a very artistic person. I guess he's like me. He's been bringing artwork from school, and mostly they are just scribbling here and there, painting a spot here and there. But these are still precious memories of him growing up. I have scanned all of his artwork and put them up our family gallery. I don't think I could save them all, because they would take up too much space, and they would just end up becoming trash, esp. when we move. I once read a mother put all of her kid's artwork in a pizza box, big enough for all sizes of paper. Some mothers displayed them proudly at home, or use them as wrapping paper. I just chose a way that I am used to: everything digital.

Honey, we'll see you tomorrow, ok? We're going to come see you and then celebrate Mother's Day with Grandma, Uncle John and Auntie Katie. Mommy got Grandma a beautiful potted pink calla lilies. I hope she likes them. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.


Love you,
Mommy