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Showing posts with label quilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quilt. Show all posts

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Your Beautiful Memory Quilt

Oh my Dear Logan,

A most wonderful gift arrived yesterday! Remember some time ago, Mommy told you I didn't know what to do with all of your clothes and Auntie Shelley offered to make a quilt out of it?




Guess what, the quilt has arrived!! It is so beautiful!! When Mommy read the letter from Auntie Shelley enclosed, I couldn't help but shed tears. It reminded Mommy of you, your short life, the little sleepers that you lived in them because you're a Winter baby, and most importantly, I was moved by such a wonderful and thoughtful gift. Mommy was holding the quilt, cried for a while, before I could fully appreciate its beauty. I had to re-read the letter and appreciate each of its detail. Let me show you the pictures of it, and the meaning behind each detail that Auntie Shelley told me.



"The quilt design is a pattern called 'One thousand pyramids' (even though there may or may not actually 1000 triangles in the quilt). The name reminded me of the origami custom of folding 1000 cranes to have one's heart's desire come true. Although the custom is Japanese, I thought the sentiment to be universal and therefore appropriate. All of the triangles were made from Logan's sleepers and I am sure you will recognize them."




Here are two pictures of the close-up of the quilt, showing each of the pyramids/triangles. Such detailed work. Logan, a lot of hard work is put into this. There are so many triangles!




"There wasn't enough solid color sleepers to make the borders, so I used blocks of soft fleece. To symbolize his ascent into Heaven, I machine embroidered an angel to watch over him at the top..."




"...a companion angel on one side..."




"...and himself as a little boy angel on the other side."




"The quilting design (the stitching that holds the top and backing together) are puffy clouds. I deliberately chose a very fine thread so the quilting wouldn't distract from the sleeper fabric. but you can see the cloud design when you look at the back! I was particularly pleased with the way the sleeper fabric contributed to the three dimensional aspect of the clouds. The swag designs in the borders were chosen just because they are pretty ;-)"




"I found an incredibly moving poem for the label on the back and hand-appliqued Logan's picture and the label. I further embellished the label with hand embroidery."


Oh Logan, I don't know what to say. It is such a beauty! We are blessed with such good friends, who have done so much for us. First, their outpouring love through phone calls, emails, text messages, hugs, kisses, and reading this blog. Then their generous donation to March for Baby and The United Mitochondrial Foundation. And now, two precious gifts, a rosary and a memory quilt. What have we done to deserve such great friends!

Mommy was talking to Daddy last night about how we wanted to display this lovely quilt. We wanted to hang it up, especially after we move. However, we're not sure how to do it. If we just hang it up, it'll be get dusty. If we frame it with glass, it will become very heavy to hang. We need to think of a way to do it. I was telling Daddy that displaying this quilt would not be as sad as putting your pictures all over the house. It's beautiful, yet we won't be seeing your face all the time, thus being reminded of your absence. Don't worry, we will not forget you, but I don't think being constantly reminded is healthy either, right?

We'll think of something!


Miss you,
Mommy

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Guilt

Hi Sweetheart,

How are you today? Mommy was so tired yesterday that I slept with your big brother from 9:30 p.m.-7:30 a.m. Remember I told you yesterday that I went to get my blood drawn to test for Leigh's Disease. The counselor said the results won't come back for another 2.5 weeks. I gave her my date of when I leave the country, and if the results come back early to give me a call. I know we still need to meet with the Geneticist to go through the result because of how complicated it is, but I still would like to get a "Yes" or "No" from them as soon as possible. Mommy worries about your big brother, too. Though it's unlikely that he will develop symptoms as he's already 3, but Mitochondrial Diseases can have a late-onset as well. Can you pray for us and make sure we're ok?

Mommy told you yesterday that sometimes I questioned my decision about you. It was a very emotional decision and it was very difficult to make. But when I read about how other babies with Leigh's Disease or Mitochondrial Disease can live until the age of 2 or 3 or even 14, I wonder if we have made the wrong decision. I know deep down we're right, especially, with all the objective facts in front of us. But I just can't stop thinking about it. The decision makes me feel like I am choosing your big brother over you. I know that's not it, because I don't want you to suffer. But now that you're in heaven, our lives go back to somewhat normal. No more long drives to the hospital everyday, no more worrying about how to take care of you if you're home, no more worrying about when we have to go to the ER once again if you get sick, no more worrying about all of the inconveniences that would happen, if were you home. Oh honey, that sounds so selfish. That is definitely not how Mommy and Daddy feel when we let you go. We want you to be happy. We want you to be free from tubes and tapes and needle-poking. We want you not to suffer. But, that guilt is still there. It's eating me up whenever I read a story about another baby who lives longer than you. I should be happy for them, and not feeling like this. When will this guilt go away?

Mommy made a photobook of you yesterday. Mother's Day will be here soon, and there are coupons for free photobooks. I've been thinking about making one for a while, just never actually feel like doing it. Since the coupon expired yesterday, I made three books: one for me, one for Ah Po and one for Grandma. I know they will be sad when they see pictures of you, but I want them to have it because they love you so much.

Daddy's friend, Auntie Shelley, has offered to made a quilt out of your clothes. I think that's a great idea! Thanks Auntie Shelley! Mommy will pack up some of your clothes and then send to her. You have clothes that you wear all the time, and those would make a nice momento because I have pictures of your wearing the same sleeper and sleepsack.

Mommy will try to clean up the house a little today. Got a lot of laundry to do and the house is a mess. Today will be a day that I am not going anywhere. It's time to chill and relax. Mommy will come see you tomorrow, ok?

Take care baby.


Love you,
Mommy