Dear Logan,
Did it break your heart as well when Ah Po broke down and cried when visiting you? I guess the thought of seeing you for the last time, and not being able to visit you more often really hit her. When we first brought Ah Gung, Ah Po, Ah Yee and Kau Fu to see you, they were all calm and everything was fine. Your brother was able to break the awkwardness by singing and dancing for you. But because Ah Gung and Ah Po's trip was cut short, we had to see you one last time today before they all leave tomorrow. Ah Po couldn't hold it anymore. She just broke down and cried. Ah Gung started sobbing as well. I tried to hold it in as much as I could. Aidan saw Ah Po crying, and I think it scared him a little bit. He didn't know how to respond to the sudden change of emotions. He chose to be in Daddy's car on our way to lunch, instead of coming with me. I think he made the right choice. My ride with Ah Gung and Ah Po to our lunch place was solemn. I had to break the silence when we're close to the restaurant and informed them of our lunch options.
I'm not sure when they will be able to visit you again. But I promise Mommy and Daddy and your big brother will come as often as we could.
Love and Miss you.
Mommy
Friday, August 20, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Goodybe, CCLC....it's been a pleasure knowing you.
Dear Logan,
Yesterday marked the last day of school at CCLC for your brother. Another chapter of his life has closed, but that only means another chapter is about to open. Even though Aidan has only been to CCLC for 18 months, he has grown and learned, and made many new friends. I remember the day when we visited CCLC, and I even brought you with me. I remember I had you in my arms, while carrying a backpack with your oxygen tank. I must have scared a few teachers along the way.
There were ups and downs during your brother's short stay. The main event had to be when the teachers and Director of the program recommended your brother to be tested for Autism. It's not the worst news of the world, as you know I've HAD the worst news before, but it's still devastating. We went through testing through Kaiser, and of course your brother was fine. He was just being a 3-year old boy.
Fast forward to today. He's 4.5 and will be onto the next journey to a new school in September. He has made so many new friends, been to so many birthday parties, given the opportunities to explore and learn. I am going to think of the positive of the ridiculous staff turnover at school, and think of it as a learning opportunity for Aidan to learn from each teacher he has the pleasure to work with. He loves school. Most of the time when I pick him up from school, he wouldn't want to go, but to continue playing with his friends. I have seen him mature, especially within the last few weeks. Instead of being a monkey and running around, riding his tricycle or swinging on the play structure, he's been sitting down quietly playing tic-tac-toe, writing, or doing some quiet activities in the afternoon.
I sure wish Aidan would love school as much as he does at his new school, and for the rest of his life.
Love,
Mommy
Yesterday marked the last day of school at CCLC for your brother. Another chapter of his life has closed, but that only means another chapter is about to open. Even though Aidan has only been to CCLC for 18 months, he has grown and learned, and made many new friends. I remember the day when we visited CCLC, and I even brought you with me. I remember I had you in my arms, while carrying a backpack with your oxygen tank. I must have scared a few teachers along the way.
There were ups and downs during your brother's short stay. The main event had to be when the teachers and Director of the program recommended your brother to be tested for Autism. It's not the worst news of the world, as you know I've HAD the worst news before, but it's still devastating. We went through testing through Kaiser, and of course your brother was fine. He was just being a 3-year old boy.
Fast forward to today. He's 4.5 and will be onto the next journey to a new school in September. He has made so many new friends, been to so many birthday parties, given the opportunities to explore and learn. I am going to think of the positive of the ridiculous staff turnover at school, and think of it as a learning opportunity for Aidan to learn from each teacher he has the pleasure to work with. He loves school. Most of the time when I pick him up from school, he wouldn't want to go, but to continue playing with his friends. I have seen him mature, especially within the last few weeks. Instead of being a monkey and running around, riding his tricycle or swinging on the play structure, he's been sitting down quietly playing tic-tac-toe, writing, or doing some quiet activities in the afternoon.
I sure wish Aidan would love school as much as he does at his new school, and for the rest of his life.
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
How to find the balance
Dear Logan,
I've always tried to be very cognizant of the fact that your brother is an only child (not that I want to negate your existence), and that I can't spoil him rotten. But also because of you, I've treasured the time and things that I do with him even more. Well, granted I have my many moments of sitting in front of my laptop or TV instead of playing with him. I always try to make sure he is happy and I want him to grow up to be happy and healthy. Sometimes, I find it difficult to find that balance of catering to his happiness versus disciplining and not spoiling him.
He's only 4.5 yrs old. He's a happy and healthy. He loves going to school and playing with his friends. Because he's not a baby anymore, he ought to know what he should and shouldn't do (for certain things). I think sometimes we forget that he's still only a little boy, though he talks and acts like a little man these days. Should we discipline him because he's not sitting still at the dinner table, or let it slide because he's only a 4 year-old energetic boy? Should we force him to finish dinner, or let him go to bed hungry and learn his lesson? Are we treating him like a 14-yr old sometimes, expecting too much from him? He drives me crazy sometimes when he doesn't listen. I just need to remind myself that, he's only 4. But, am I letting him get his away by always using the excuse that he's still little? What's the middle road?
It's hard enough to find the balance in life for myself. And it's even harder when you're a parent, trying to be a good and fair one, versus a mean and angry one. The fact that I am 99.9999% sure that your brother will grow up as an only child, just makes this balance even more important.
Speaking of being the only child, it always saddens me when I go to a park or attend a birthday party, and then see other kids playing with their siblings. Your brother will never be able to play with you anymore. It hurts every single time I think about it. I miss you, and I want him to have someone to play with. I don't want Aidan to grow up to be lonely.
The other day, he was going through my computer and watching all the videos that I've taken. He came across your pictures and your videos, and kept on playing this one video of your cooing and sneezing. Oh, how I miss you at that point. I told your brother I missed you, and he said he missed you, too. He still remembered you were at the hospital, and when he asked why you're there, I had to explain to him that you were sick. I was glad I have taken pictures and videos of you (wishing I had taken a lot more), because Aidan can always watch them again, and never forget about you. I don't know when he will be old enough to know the truth of your passing, and why we kept on visiting you at the cemetery. I dread the arrival of that day.
I know I should write more often. I just find it harder and harder to find the time and energy to actually write. There are many things I want to tell you. But by the time I actually sit down, I forget what I was going to say.
Miss you,
Mommy
I've always tried to be very cognizant of the fact that your brother is an only child (not that I want to negate your existence), and that I can't spoil him rotten. But also because of you, I've treasured the time and things that I do with him even more. Well, granted I have my many moments of sitting in front of my laptop or TV instead of playing with him. I always try to make sure he is happy and I want him to grow up to be happy and healthy. Sometimes, I find it difficult to find that balance of catering to his happiness versus disciplining and not spoiling him.
He's only 4.5 yrs old. He's a happy and healthy. He loves going to school and playing with his friends. Because he's not a baby anymore, he ought to know what he should and shouldn't do (for certain things). I think sometimes we forget that he's still only a little boy, though he talks and acts like a little man these days. Should we discipline him because he's not sitting still at the dinner table, or let it slide because he's only a 4 year-old energetic boy? Should we force him to finish dinner, or let him go to bed hungry and learn his lesson? Are we treating him like a 14-yr old sometimes, expecting too much from him? He drives me crazy sometimes when he doesn't listen. I just need to remind myself that, he's only 4. But, am I letting him get his away by always using the excuse that he's still little? What's the middle road?
It's hard enough to find the balance in life for myself. And it's even harder when you're a parent, trying to be a good and fair one, versus a mean and angry one. The fact that I am 99.9999% sure that your brother will grow up as an only child, just makes this balance even more important.
Speaking of being the only child, it always saddens me when I go to a park or attend a birthday party, and then see other kids playing with their siblings. Your brother will never be able to play with you anymore. It hurts every single time I think about it. I miss you, and I want him to have someone to play with. I don't want Aidan to grow up to be lonely.
The other day, he was going through my computer and watching all the videos that I've taken. He came across your pictures and your videos, and kept on playing this one video of your cooing and sneezing. Oh, how I miss you at that point. I told your brother I missed you, and he said he missed you, too. He still remembered you were at the hospital, and when he asked why you're there, I had to explain to him that you were sick. I was glad I have taken pictures and videos of you (wishing I had taken a lot more), because Aidan can always watch them again, and never forget about you. I don't know when he will be old enough to know the truth of your passing, and why we kept on visiting you at the cemetery. I dread the arrival of that day.
I know I should write more often. I just find it harder and harder to find the time and energy to actually write. There are many things I want to tell you. But by the time I actually sit down, I forget what I was going to say.
Miss you,
Mommy
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Quiet evening
Dear Logan,
Mommy got a little time tonight to enjoy a quiet evening in my office. I don't spend much time down here, since I am usually with your brother in the living room, using my laptop or just watching TV. Since Daddy is sleeping with Aidan tonight, and there's nothing on TV, I am spending a little more time in my office web surfing (as always) and organizing some pictures.
We went to Gilroy Gardens today again. Aidan and I got the season passes, and we're definitely making good use of them. We've already been to the park 4 times this season. Got my money worth! Gilroy Gardens is a fun little theme park where your brother can get on most rides. We had a lot of fun today with many uncles and aunties as well, and had a delicious picnic lunch. It's such a beautiful and fun day.
Aidan actually caught a stomach virus earlier this week. He had a fever for two days, and threw up 3 times one day. I was especially worried this time around because he appeared so tired and sleepy. He's had fevers before and has thrown up before, but he's still usually pretty much like himself. But this time around, he was so tired and sleepy on the first day he got a fever that I got a little concerned. I know from experience that calling Kaiser is not much of a help. I already knew what to do when it's a low-grade fever since he's had quite a fever of those throughout his life. Luckily, he got better after a couple of days.
Three more weeks to my vacation. I've been planning and looking forward to this vacation for MONTHS. I can't wait to spend more time with my family, go to Disneyland and to Las Vegas. You know, Mommy gets super obsessive when it comes to travel planning. I've been obsessively reading forum posts and trip reports on Tripadvisor, and continues to search for great hotel deals online. Vacations are expensive, I need to make sure I am getting the best deals in town, so that I can have some extra money for shopping, eating and a little gambling.
How are you doing up there?
Love,
Mommy
Mommy got a little time tonight to enjoy a quiet evening in my office. I don't spend much time down here, since I am usually with your brother in the living room, using my laptop or just watching TV. Since Daddy is sleeping with Aidan tonight, and there's nothing on TV, I am spending a little more time in my office web surfing (as always) and organizing some pictures.
We went to Gilroy Gardens today again. Aidan and I got the season passes, and we're definitely making good use of them. We've already been to the park 4 times this season. Got my money worth! Gilroy Gardens is a fun little theme park where your brother can get on most rides. We had a lot of fun today with many uncles and aunties as well, and had a delicious picnic lunch. It's such a beautiful and fun day.
Aidan actually caught a stomach virus earlier this week. He had a fever for two days, and threw up 3 times one day. I was especially worried this time around because he appeared so tired and sleepy. He's had fevers before and has thrown up before, but he's still usually pretty much like himself. But this time around, he was so tired and sleepy on the first day he got a fever that I got a little concerned. I know from experience that calling Kaiser is not much of a help. I already knew what to do when it's a low-grade fever since he's had quite a fever of those throughout his life. Luckily, he got better after a couple of days.
Three more weeks to my vacation. I've been planning and looking forward to this vacation for MONTHS. I can't wait to spend more time with my family, go to Disneyland and to Las Vegas. You know, Mommy gets super obsessive when it comes to travel planning. I've been obsessively reading forum posts and trip reports on Tripadvisor, and continues to search for great hotel deals online. Vacations are expensive, I need to make sure I am getting the best deals in town, so that I can have some extra money for shopping, eating and a little gambling.
How are you doing up there?
Love,
Mommy
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Recap: San Antonio Trip
Dear Logan,
Mommy has been slacking off again, and hasn't written to you in almost a month. Of course, a lot has happened and I finally have the time to sit down and write to you. Let me tell you about our San Antonio trip!
The main reason for the trip was for Uncle Harold's retirement from the Air Force. It was a nice short vacation to get away from the busy, busy life in the Bay Area, to a completely different environment, and not to worry about anything but what to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner.
Day 1 - June 3:
We arrived at around dinner time and after checking into our hotel,Courtyard Marriott at Stone Oak, we went over to Uncle Harold and Auntie Judy's house. Auntie Neil was already there, and we just spent a casual evening catching up and enjoying each other's company. It was great to finally meet little Alan. He has gone through so much, especially when he has to go through chemotherapy again. Luckily, Alan seemed to be in a great & active mood, and we had a lot of fun.
Day 2 - June 4:
This is the big day for Uncle Harold's fini flight. We went over to the Sanders in the morning, picked up Grandma and headed to Subway to pick up 4 super long sandwiches for the retirement lunch party. We then followed directions carefully written by Uncle Harold and Auntie Judy to the Randolph Air Fore Base. This was such an honorable and memorable experience: from entering into the AF Base, to seeing Uncle Harold flying back, to the special "water" ceremony, and the official retirement ceremony and speeches, everything was just perfect!
After the celebration was over, we went back to our hotel room for an afternoon nap. We didn't have enough sleep the night before because of jetlag, and after a morning out in the sun, a nap was a wise decision. At night, we headed out to the famous Riverwalk district in San Antonio. We didn't walk around too much because of the heat, even at night. However, we did do the tour boat ride and just let the boat do the walking for us. We had our first Texas steaks of the trip at Lonestar, and apparently picked a not-so-good restaurant. The meal was just ok.
Day 3 - June 5:
We met up with the Sanders again in the morning for brunch at a Mexican restaurant that close to our hotel. Food was good and best of all, there's a big play structure outside the restaurant for the kids to play around. In the afternoon, we tested out the hotel's swimming pool, and your brother had his first swim ever! He was a little scared in the beginning, and holding onto Daddy and Mommy like a koala. Eventually, he warmed up and had a lot of fun playing in the water. He's still scared, and didn't like water in his eyes (just like Mommy!) but he didn't want to leave.
At night, we went over to the Sanders again for Uncle Harold's retirement dinner party. More delicious food! Your brother wanted to play in their backyard with all the kids the whole time, and I was dreading the hot and humid weather. And let me tell you, those San Antonio mosquitoes weren't kind to me! I got huge bug bites that lasted for DAYS!! In the end, it was a nice party. Just chilling and watching the kids play. Like I said, this is a very relaxing trip and that's what I needed.
Day 4 - June 6:
Today's the day we went to Morgan's Wonderland. This is a very unique and special theme park especially for children with special needs. The place was beautiful and so ADA accessible. Everything was new and everyone was friendly. All of the staff that I came in contact with were volunteers, and they were all 100% friendly! San Antonio is lucky to have such a great place for the little ones. We stayed there for a long time and left pretty late. We had to keep hydrated the whole time as it was pretty hot. Luckily, they had an indoor area blasting A/C where the kids could play. It was heaven! The theme park also tried to have a lot of shades and mist machines in a lot of the areas. I was just not used to the weather. I bet for the locals, it wasn't too hot as it was overcast that day.
After Morgan's Wonderland, we went back to the hotel to rest. At night, we out to the Riverwalk area again and tried out another steakhouse. Luckily, this time the steaks at Texas Land and Cattle Steak House were a lot better! Actually, for whatever reason, our food came out really slowly and our waitress said something about helping out in the kitchen, and apologized for the lack of service and food by giving us free steaks! Woohoo! Our whole meal only cost us $20! What a nice way to end our trip.
Day 5 - June 7:
This is the day we had to go back home. We had breakfast at Las Palapas, which seemed like a chain Mexican restaurant. We didn't need anything fancy, but just want something we can't find back home. Food was good and we're satisfied. Sadly, it was time to go to the airport.
It was a great and fun trip. Now, I am looking forward to our big August vacation. Work has been so crazy that I really, really, really need a long vacation.
Love you,
Mommy
Mommy has been slacking off again, and hasn't written to you in almost a month. Of course, a lot has happened and I finally have the time to sit down and write to you. Let me tell you about our San Antonio trip!
The main reason for the trip was for Uncle Harold's retirement from the Air Force. It was a nice short vacation to get away from the busy, busy life in the Bay Area, to a completely different environment, and not to worry about anything but what to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner.
We arrived at around dinner time and after checking into our hotel,Courtyard Marriott at Stone Oak, we went over to Uncle Harold and Auntie Judy's house. Auntie Neil was already there, and we just spent a casual evening catching up and enjoying each other's company. It was great to finally meet little Alan. He has gone through so much, especially when he has to go through chemotherapy again. Luckily, Alan seemed to be in a great & active mood, and we had a lot of fun.
This is the big day for Uncle Harold's fini flight. We went over to the Sanders in the morning, picked up Grandma and headed to Subway to pick up 4 super long sandwiches for the retirement lunch party. We then followed directions carefully written by Uncle Harold and Auntie Judy to the Randolph Air Fore Base. This was such an honorable and memorable experience: from entering into the AF Base, to seeing Uncle Harold flying back, to the special "water" ceremony, and the official retirement ceremony and speeches, everything was just perfect!
We met up with the Sanders again in the morning for brunch at a Mexican restaurant that close to our hotel. Food was good and best of all, there's a big play structure outside the restaurant for the kids to play around. In the afternoon, we tested out the hotel's swimming pool, and your brother had his first swim ever! He was a little scared in the beginning, and holding onto Daddy and Mommy like a koala. Eventually, he warmed up and had a lot of fun playing in the water. He's still scared, and didn't like water in his eyes (just like Mommy!) but he didn't want to leave.
At night, we went over to the Sanders again for Uncle Harold's retirement dinner party. More delicious food! Your brother wanted to play in their backyard with all the kids the whole time, and I was dreading the hot and humid weather. And let me tell you, those San Antonio mosquitoes weren't kind to me! I got huge bug bites that lasted for DAYS!! In the end, it was a nice party. Just chilling and watching the kids play. Like I said, this is a very relaxing trip and that's what I needed.
Today's the day we went to Morgan's Wonderland. This is a very unique and special theme park especially for children with special needs. The place was beautiful and so ADA accessible. Everything was new and everyone was friendly. All of the staff that I came in contact with were volunteers, and they were all 100% friendly! San Antonio is lucky to have such a great place for the little ones. We stayed there for a long time and left pretty late. We had to keep hydrated the whole time as it was pretty hot. Luckily, they had an indoor area blasting A/C where the kids could play. It was heaven! The theme park also tried to have a lot of shades and mist machines in a lot of the areas. I was just not used to the weather. I bet for the locals, it wasn't too hot as it was overcast that day.
After Morgan's Wonderland, we went back to the hotel to rest. At night, we out to the Riverwalk area again and tried out another steakhouse. Luckily, this time the steaks at Texas Land and Cattle Steak House were a lot better! Actually, for whatever reason, our food came out really slowly and our waitress said something about helping out in the kitchen, and apologized for the lack of service and food by giving us free steaks! Woohoo! Our whole meal only cost us $20! What a nice way to end our trip.
Day 5 - June 7:
This is the day we had to go back home. We had breakfast at Las Palapas, which seemed like a chain Mexican restaurant. We didn't need anything fancy, but just want something we can't find back home. Food was good and we're satisfied. Sadly, it was time to go to the airport.
It was a great and fun trip. Now, I am looking forward to our big August vacation. Work has been so crazy that I really, really, really need a long vacation.
Love you,
Mommy
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