Hi Logan,
Sorry Mommy hasn't been writing to you regularly. Work has been busy, esp. one of my staff is leaving next week, when I am already short-staff to begin with!
We came back from dim sum with some uncles and aunties. It was nice to see our friends again. Sometimes you get so caught up with family life that I don't make enough time for my friends. Daddy gets to see his friends at work, but Mommy has to make an effort to see them. We used to do dim sum about once a month, but it's been a while.
Remember Auntie Beverly is pregnant with twins? She's having twin girls! And then I found out that Auntie Melissa is pregnant with a baby girl as well. Talk about babies in the air! More and more of Mommy's friends are pregnant these days. I think it's because we're at that age. We passed the wedding phase, now it's the baby stage. Daddy is so jealous and really wants a baby girl. I wonder if a god-daughter will satisfy him. It was nice to see my mommy friends and talk about babies and pregnancy. I guess at one point, we ladies were so busy talking, the others were bored out of their minds. Oopsie! I guess we just need to make time to hang out more often, just the girls! Maybe a spa day with the girls....but then, we're trying to save money.
We're going to the San Mateo County Fair later today, after your brother got up from his nap. Daddy got free tickets from work. Now that it's summer, there are many fairs going on. Nice to be out in the sun.
The other day, Mommy was at Seton Medical Center to visit some clients who're volunteering, and to take one to see a doctor. When passing by the ICU and CCU, I couldn't help but think of our stay at Kaiser. I also noticed that Kaiser is a much nicer hospital. Probably because Kaiser is purely private, and Seton probably gets funding from the government. I hate going back to hospitals because of what we have gone through. But unfortunately, I can't help it, and we'll be seeing Kaiser more often when we move down south. I wonder if this feeling will ever go away.
Seeing babies and hearing news of babies make me miss you even more. Today is the 15th, that means you have left us for 4 months now. And of course, tomorrow you would have been 9 months old. We'll come see you tomorrow and maybe bring you a pinwheel. I could probably swing by your place next Wednesday to retrieve the pinwheel before mowing day. So, we'll see you tomorrow, ok?
Miss you,
Mommy
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Babies Babies
Hi Honey,
Mommy came home not too long ago from a long, hot pot dinner with some friends. It was long because we all ate and chatted the night away. Mommy has known these two uncles since I was in Form 5 (11th Grade), and we used to hang out until it's pretty 'early' in the morning. We were talking about our good ole days, gossip a little, and did some baby talk. One uncle brought his wife and his little 3-month old daughter. She is so adorable. Mommy actually has met this little girl a few times now, but it's the first time I got to hold her, since we had such a small group tonight. It was an amazing feeling to hold her. Even before she is 3 months old, she had amazing neck control. When I first met her, she's only 2.5 months and she could hold her head high. In fact, she prefers being in a vertical position, than horizontal. She was smiling and talking to me. Her little cooing was just so adorable. At that moment, Mommy missed you big time. And for a very short split second, I wish I could be pregnant again and have another baby.
She was the same age as when you were home in between the two hospitalizations. You were just as cute then. But I couldn't get a smile out of you, and you didn't coo much. I never got much eye contact, and your neck was always floppy. It was such a big difference. Mommy misses holding you.
During our conversation, I briefly mentioned about my two hospitalizations at Kaiser giving birth. This uncle and his wife didn't know about you. I didn't give them any details, I thought words have already spread and they would have known. I just said you've been gone two months. The other uncle directed them to my Facebook page. It was such a long story I didn't know how to begin. If they had known, I wouldn't mind talking about it. But telling your story from the very beginning is a little difficult.
On the other hand, I read a story about this woman faking her pregnancy and giving birth to a terminally ill baby. My initial reaction was, what a moron! How could you fake something like this?? But then, once I calmed down, I started to think: she did lose a baby back in 2005, was it Post-Traumatic Stress Disordern, Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome, or any other kind of mental illness? No normal person who do such a heinous thing. Something has got to be wrong here, right? She said her lie got out of hand and she didn't know what to do. But, why would you do that in the first place? I don't know, but I am glad people eventually found out it's a hoax.
I guess we really can't believe everything we read on the internet. It would be naive to do so anyway.
Don't forget to keep praying for mommy's pregnant friend and her family. You're closer to God than me, so you need to put in a good word, ok?
Miss you,
Mommy
Mommy came home not too long ago from a long, hot pot dinner with some friends. It was long because we all ate and chatted the night away. Mommy has known these two uncles since I was in Form 5 (11th Grade), and we used to hang out until it's pretty 'early' in the morning. We were talking about our good ole days, gossip a little, and did some baby talk. One uncle brought his wife and his little 3-month old daughter. She is so adorable. Mommy actually has met this little girl a few times now, but it's the first time I got to hold her, since we had such a small group tonight. It was an amazing feeling to hold her. Even before she is 3 months old, she had amazing neck control. When I first met her, she's only 2.5 months and she could hold her head high. In fact, she prefers being in a vertical position, than horizontal. She was smiling and talking to me. Her little cooing was just so adorable. At that moment, Mommy missed you big time. And for a very short split second, I wish I could be pregnant again and have another baby.
She was the same age as when you were home in between the two hospitalizations. You were just as cute then. But I couldn't get a smile out of you, and you didn't coo much. I never got much eye contact, and your neck was always floppy. It was such a big difference. Mommy misses holding you.
During our conversation, I briefly mentioned about my two hospitalizations at Kaiser giving birth. This uncle and his wife didn't know about you. I didn't give them any details, I thought words have already spread and they would have known. I just said you've been gone two months. The other uncle directed them to my Facebook page. It was such a long story I didn't know how to begin. If they had known, I wouldn't mind talking about it. But telling your story from the very beginning is a little difficult.
On the other hand, I read a story about this woman faking her pregnancy and giving birth to a terminally ill baby. My initial reaction was, what a moron! How could you fake something like this?? But then, once I calmed down, I started to think: she did lose a baby back in 2005, was it Post-Traumatic Stress Disordern, Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome, or any other kind of mental illness? No normal person who do such a heinous thing. Something has got to be wrong here, right? She said her lie got out of hand and she didn't know what to do. But, why would you do that in the first place? I don't know, but I am glad people eventually found out it's a hoax.
I guess we really can't believe everything we read on the internet. It would be naive to do so anyway.
Don't forget to keep praying for mommy's pregnant friend and her family. You're closer to God than me, so you need to put in a good word, ok?
Miss you,
Mommy
Friday, June 12, 2009
What's up with our children?
Hi Logan,
I couldn't help but think and read about Edwards Syndrome. It's just as bad as Leigh's Disease. Mommy is so sad to hear about the news. At least if Mommy's friend's baby has Down Syndrome, the survival rate is a lot higher. But with Edwards Syndrome, the survival rate is close to none. I am not sure what my friend would do. Will she abort the baby? Will she try her luck and keep it as long as possible? I don't know, and there is no right or wrong answer.
I heard about the baby's news through another friend. I don't think my friend knows that I knew about it. I do not dare contacting her. This is very personal business, and if she doesn't share, I don't want to embarrass her or bother her during such a difficult time. I have thought of e-mailing her to tell her that I understand how she feels, and will be here for her if she ever wants to talk. But remembering the days after your diagnosis, I didn't feel like talking to anyone, though I have made my blog public, so friends and family knew about it. I have received numerous emails and phone calls, and I was grateful for them. However, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I fear I would cry, and I really didn't know what to say. Writing was much better for me. I know my friend finds solace and guidance from reading the Bible. I wish God will give her and her family all the strength that they need during this difficult time. Logan, if this little baby does make its way to heaven, be sure to keep him/her company.
Another of my friend's toddler is fighting a rare form of cancer. Thank goodness he is responding well to treatments!! But what's up with all these rare forms of illnesses? Shouldn't parents just worry about colds and flus, fevers and stomach aches? We shouldn't be worrying about cancers, chromosomal disorders or genetic diseases.
Logan, since you're closer to God than I am, please ask him to give all of my friends and their families, especially their children, the strength to deal with all the obstacles that they are facing.
Will you pray with Mommy, The Serenity Prayer?
I couldn't help but think and read about Edwards Syndrome. It's just as bad as Leigh's Disease. Mommy is so sad to hear about the news. At least if Mommy's friend's baby has Down Syndrome, the survival rate is a lot higher. But with Edwards Syndrome, the survival rate is close to none. I am not sure what my friend would do. Will she abort the baby? Will she try her luck and keep it as long as possible? I don't know, and there is no right or wrong answer.
I heard about the baby's news through another friend. I don't think my friend knows that I knew about it. I do not dare contacting her. This is very personal business, and if she doesn't share, I don't want to embarrass her or bother her during such a difficult time. I have thought of e-mailing her to tell her that I understand how she feels, and will be here for her if she ever wants to talk. But remembering the days after your diagnosis, I didn't feel like talking to anyone, though I have made my blog public, so friends and family knew about it. I have received numerous emails and phone calls, and I was grateful for them. However, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I fear I would cry, and I really didn't know what to say. Writing was much better for me. I know my friend finds solace and guidance from reading the Bible. I wish God will give her and her family all the strength that they need during this difficult time. Logan, if this little baby does make its way to heaven, be sure to keep him/her company.
Another of my friend's toddler is fighting a rare form of cancer. Thank goodness he is responding well to treatments!! But what's up with all these rare forms of illnesses? Shouldn't parents just worry about colds and flus, fevers and stomach aches? We shouldn't be worrying about cancers, chromosomal disorders or genetic diseases.
Logan, since you're closer to God than I am, please ask him to give all of my friends and their families, especially their children, the strength to deal with all the obstacles that they are facing.
Will you pray with Mommy, The Serenity Prayer?
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Love you,
Mommy
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Baby news!
Hello Baby,
Mommy got an email from an auntie (anonymous for now) that she's expecting twins! Mommy is soooo happy for auntie and uncle. Last time, they tried for years and with a lot of hard work to be able to conceive. This time around, it is so much faster. It's also very sweet of auntie to email me before I find out the news on Facebook! She is 4 months pregnant now and is already showing. She knows that friends will find out in a few days when she attends a bbq, and words will surely spread. She doesn't know the sex of the babies until next month. Let's hope one of the twins is a baby girl. Ohh..the pretty, pink, adorable girls clothes!
On the other hand, one of mommy's other friend received some bad news about her baby. She received news that her baby has 1/60th chance of having Down Syndrome. She will have to go through the aminiotic fluid test for further information, and I have a pretty good idea how she's feeling at the moment. It must be like the news I received when I knew you might have a Mitochondrial Disease: not as shocking, but definitely shocking. She will definitely need to think and communicate with her husband whether to keep the baby, and the realities of having a baby with a disorder.
I remember when I was pregnant with you, I told my Ob/Gyn that I didn't need to do the amniotic fluid test, because even if you have a disability, I will never abort you. That was a very emotional decision, and I never really had a heart-to-heart conversation with Daddy beforehand. I know Daddy will support my decision, whatever it is. Working with people with Down Syndrome, I know that life would not be easy, but it could be fulfilling and full of love. That's why I don't hesitate with that decision. When I knew of your diagnosis, do you know how much I wish you had Down Syndrome? How much I wish all you have was Epilepsy, or any developemental disability? Any of those was a much better diagnosis than Leigh's Disease.
Everytime I hear of a baby news, I thought of you. And I am so sad to hear about my friend's news. I've been praying for her baby ever since I heard the news. I wish every baby would be born healthy. I wish none of my friends, or anyone, to have to go through what I have. Logan, will you be so kind to watch over all these babies? Make sure they are born healthy and strong?
When Mommy goes back home, I will have a baby shower to attend. I am sure I will think of you as well, especially, when I see all the cute baby clothes that they will be receiving. It will be bittersweet. I am happy for them, but I am sad for me. I still browse through baby products once in a while, both online and at stores. Shopping for their babies is a mother's ultimate joy.
Mommy's birthday is coming up. And a day after that, marks the day you left us for 2 months. And a day after that, you would have been 7 months old. From now on, June 14, 15, and 16 would never be the same to me anymore.
Miss you,
Mommy
Mommy got an email from an auntie (anonymous for now) that she's expecting twins! Mommy is soooo happy for auntie and uncle. Last time, they tried for years and with a lot of hard work to be able to conceive. This time around, it is so much faster. It's also very sweet of auntie to email me before I find out the news on Facebook! She is 4 months pregnant now and is already showing. She knows that friends will find out in a few days when she attends a bbq, and words will surely spread. She doesn't know the sex of the babies until next month. Let's hope one of the twins is a baby girl. Ohh..the pretty, pink, adorable girls clothes!
On the other hand, one of mommy's other friend received some bad news about her baby. She received news that her baby has 1/60th chance of having Down Syndrome. She will have to go through the aminiotic fluid test for further information, and I have a pretty good idea how she's feeling at the moment. It must be like the news I received when I knew you might have a Mitochondrial Disease: not as shocking, but definitely shocking. She will definitely need to think and communicate with her husband whether to keep the baby, and the realities of having a baby with a disorder.
I remember when I was pregnant with you, I told my Ob/Gyn that I didn't need to do the amniotic fluid test, because even if you have a disability, I will never abort you. That was a very emotional decision, and I never really had a heart-to-heart conversation with Daddy beforehand. I know Daddy will support my decision, whatever it is. Working with people with Down Syndrome, I know that life would not be easy, but it could be fulfilling and full of love. That's why I don't hesitate with that decision. When I knew of your diagnosis, do you know how much I wish you had Down Syndrome? How much I wish all you have was Epilepsy, or any developemental disability? Any of those was a much better diagnosis than Leigh's Disease.
Everytime I hear of a baby news, I thought of you. And I am so sad to hear about my friend's news. I've been praying for her baby ever since I heard the news. I wish every baby would be born healthy. I wish none of my friends, or anyone, to have to go through what I have. Logan, will you be so kind to watch over all these babies? Make sure they are born healthy and strong?
When Mommy goes back home, I will have a baby shower to attend. I am sure I will think of you as well, especially, when I see all the cute baby clothes that they will be receiving. It will be bittersweet. I am happy for them, but I am sad for me. I still browse through baby products once in a while, both online and at stores. Shopping for their babies is a mother's ultimate joy.
Mommy's birthday is coming up. And a day after that, marks the day you left us for 2 months. And a day after that, you would have been 7 months old. From now on, June 14, 15, and 16 would never be the same to me anymore.
Miss you,
Mommy
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
A little chat with Ah Po
Hi Logan,
Everyone misses you here, especially, because tomorrow marks the end of the 49 days that you have gone. I just finished having a conversation with Ah Po about you. She shared her two miscarriages experience with me. She actually shared that with me when she came to visit earlier this year. She was talking to Grandaunt #6 today about you, and they started having questions about your illness. I tried my very best to explain the genetic DNA, and the mutation of the DNA inside the mitochondria. It's very hard to explain it to her, esp. when I have to do that in Chinese. There are so many medical terms, and explaining in Chinese makes it even more difficult. She questioned if her miscarriages had anything to do with you. Ah Po first had a healthy baby (me), then a miscarriage and a stillborn at 5 months afterwards. Just like me, I had your big brother, and then I lost you. Both situations seemed to be quite different, but we never know if there's a correlation when it comes to the genetic make-up of the DNA. I told her that I have gotten tested, and will be meeting with a Geneticist on June 29. I explained to her that if I am tested positive for carrying that same DNA mutation, it's very likely your brother, Uncle and Auntie also have that. Then I would have your brother tested as well, and would strongly suggest Auntie to get tested in Macau, though I am not sure how to go about doing that. I haven't told Auntie any of this, because I don't want to scare her. I need some confirmation. Ah Po and Mommy also talked about Mommy having another baby in the future, just like she had Uncle and Auntie after her miscarriages. I told her I won't decide anything until I know the blood test result. Just as I have told you yesterday, I would definitely not have another baby if I am tested positive. Ah Po thinks that it's still OK to wait a year or two if everything's good to have another child. We don't want your big brother to be lonely. Towards the end of our conversation, Ah Po asked what you were like the day you left. I told her, you were sleeping and I just watched you gave out your last breath and left us. I stopped her from asking more questions and told her to rest, as she just recovered from her surgery, and I could see that she's getting teary-eyed. I don't want to lie to her about what happened, yet I don't think she's ready to know the truth. I just withheld some information until she's healthier.
Mommy went to dinner with two friends earlier tonight, without your brother tagging along. It's the first time I've told my friends, in person, regarding your illness. I was calm and didn't break down. I felt like I have told this story many, many times. We talked about relationships, having kids, work life balance, etc. It's actually a very nice dinner and conversation. If I have brought your brother with me, I would be busy keeping him quiet and feeding him, and won't have time to actually catch up with my friends.
I should be going to bed early tonight, but I am not sleepy at all. I've been having insomnia the last few nights. I didn't go to bed until 2 or 3 a.m. I noticed I am less stressed out, because I don't grind my teeth at night, and my teeth sensitivity has definitely decreased. I still feel tired, but probably from chasing your brother around at the new City of Dreams today. Your brother wanted to be carried when he's in unfamiliar territories. That means he needs to be carried quite a lotm as we're in Macau. I guess I am getting my work out that way.
49 days already. Time sure flies. I can still remember clearly what happened that day. I am sure Daddy remembers it just as well.
I know you're in good hands now. Mommy doesn't have to worry about you anymore.
Love you,
Mommy
Everyone misses you here, especially, because tomorrow marks the end of the 49 days that you have gone. I just finished having a conversation with Ah Po about you. She shared her two miscarriages experience with me. She actually shared that with me when she came to visit earlier this year. She was talking to Grandaunt #6 today about you, and they started having questions about your illness. I tried my very best to explain the genetic DNA, and the mutation of the DNA inside the mitochondria. It's very hard to explain it to her, esp. when I have to do that in Chinese. There are so many medical terms, and explaining in Chinese makes it even more difficult. She questioned if her miscarriages had anything to do with you. Ah Po first had a healthy baby (me), then a miscarriage and a stillborn at 5 months afterwards. Just like me, I had your big brother, and then I lost you. Both situations seemed to be quite different, but we never know if there's a correlation when it comes to the genetic make-up of the DNA. I told her that I have gotten tested, and will be meeting with a Geneticist on June 29. I explained to her that if I am tested positive for carrying that same DNA mutation, it's very likely your brother, Uncle and Auntie also have that. Then I would have your brother tested as well, and would strongly suggest Auntie to get tested in Macau, though I am not sure how to go about doing that. I haven't told Auntie any of this, because I don't want to scare her. I need some confirmation. Ah Po and Mommy also talked about Mommy having another baby in the future, just like she had Uncle and Auntie after her miscarriages. I told her I won't decide anything until I know the blood test result. Just as I have told you yesterday, I would definitely not have another baby if I am tested positive. Ah Po thinks that it's still OK to wait a year or two if everything's good to have another child. We don't want your big brother to be lonely. Towards the end of our conversation, Ah Po asked what you were like the day you left. I told her, you were sleeping and I just watched you gave out your last breath and left us. I stopped her from asking more questions and told her to rest, as she just recovered from her surgery, and I could see that she's getting teary-eyed. I don't want to lie to her about what happened, yet I don't think she's ready to know the truth. I just withheld some information until she's healthier.
Mommy went to dinner with two friends earlier tonight, without your brother tagging along. It's the first time I've told my friends, in person, regarding your illness. I was calm and didn't break down. I felt like I have told this story many, many times. We talked about relationships, having kids, work life balance, etc. It's actually a very nice dinner and conversation. If I have brought your brother with me, I would be busy keeping him quiet and feeding him, and won't have time to actually catch up with my friends.
I should be going to bed early tonight, but I am not sleepy at all. I've been having insomnia the last few nights. I didn't go to bed until 2 or 3 a.m. I noticed I am less stressed out, because I don't grind my teeth at night, and my teeth sensitivity has definitely decreased. I still feel tired, but probably from chasing your brother around at the new City of Dreams today. Your brother wanted to be carried when he's in unfamiliar territories. That means he needs to be carried quite a lotm as we're in Macau. I guess I am getting my work out that way.
49 days already. Time sure flies. I can still remember clearly what happened that day. I am sure Daddy remembers it just as well.
I know you're in good hands now. Mommy doesn't have to worry about you anymore.
Love you,
Mommy
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Another child?
Dear Logan,
Ah Po is home! She's discharged from the hospital today. Don't worry about her, she's in good spirits and health. Now Ah Gung doesn't have to go back and forth, to and from the hospital, and can actually stay home and rest. Ah Po also reminded me that June 4 marks the 49th day of your passing. I believe according to the Chinese customs, 7 weeks x 7 days is an important day. So, we will have another mass for you at 7:30 a.m. that day. Do you know June 4 is also a significant day in Chinese history? This year, it marks the 20th anniversary of the TianAnMen Massacre back in 1989. News have already started talking about vigils and celebrations of this day. I remember in 1989, Mommy also participated in demonstrations in Macau to protest the massacre. I can't imagine it's been 20 years already.
It's a simple day today for Mommy and your big brother. We met up with one of Mommy's old friends for lunch at Pokka Cafe. Then Mommy took your big brother to the New Yaohan shopping center for a little while. We just went to the supermarket floor, so that your brother could sit in the little car, while Mommy shop around. I bought some Hokkaido Homemade Ice cream. It tasted ok, but I prefer the smoother and creamier texture of American ice-cream.
In the afternoon, Mommy and your grandaunt #6 took Aidan to the playground at "2 Dragon Monkey". Upon entering, there's a small store that sold bubble guns. Of course, knowing your brother, he has to have it. So we bought him one and he spent a good amount of time playing with his bubbles. I was glad to see him playing with another boy, who is probably 6 yrs old. They were playing with their bubble guns, on the slide and running around. It's nice to see your brother interact with other kids, even though they couldn't really communicate.
However, upon seeing this kid, it got me thinking of your brother's future. This kid came to the playground with his dad, who was on his crackberry the whole time. This boy obviously needed attention and desperately wanted to play with other kids. If Mommy decides not to have another baby, would your brother end up being like this older boy? He seems lonely. I don't want your brother to grow up feeling lonely, or spoiled, because he doesn't have any siblings. We don't have many relatives in the Bay Area, and he won't have cousins to play with. But, I just can't fanthom having another baby. Mommy is scared. What if another baby also has the inherited DNA mutation? Mommy and Daddy, Ah Gung, Ah Po, Grandma and Grandpa, we couldn't bear losing another child.
It's still too early to think of having another child. Mommy first needs to meet with the Geneticist when I go back, to get the result of the blood test. Until now, there have been different people suggesting us trying to have another child in the future. Each time, Mommy responded "NO". That's it. But seeing this boy today, reminds me of how lonely your brother could be. I know Aidan could be a great big brother. He was great with you. He was tender, copied what we said and did to you, and he's not selfish. He always was the first to come to you when you cried, then patted you, and said "Ng hou mung" (don't be mad). That was priceless.
The weather forecast said it might rain for the next few days. Which means, cooler weather. That's a relief, but I like sunny skies.
Are you enjoying life in heaven?
Miss you,
Mommy
Ah Po is home! She's discharged from the hospital today. Don't worry about her, she's in good spirits and health. Now Ah Gung doesn't have to go back and forth, to and from the hospital, and can actually stay home and rest. Ah Po also reminded me that June 4 marks the 49th day of your passing. I believe according to the Chinese customs, 7 weeks x 7 days is an important day. So, we will have another mass for you at 7:30 a.m. that day. Do you know June 4 is also a significant day in Chinese history? This year, it marks the 20th anniversary of the TianAnMen Massacre back in 1989. News have already started talking about vigils and celebrations of this day. I remember in 1989, Mommy also participated in demonstrations in Macau to protest the massacre. I can't imagine it's been 20 years already.
The weather forecast said it might rain for the next few days. Which means, cooler weather. That's a relief, but I like sunny skies.
Are you enjoying life in heaven?
Miss you,
Mommy
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Blood Test and Baby
Hi Sweetheart,
How are you today? Mommy didn't do much. It's a relaxing Sunday, after such a work out yesterday. Mommy's legs were sore yesterday evening after walking so much. Actually, it's more of my shoes scrapping my ankles, instead of the actual walking. Mommy, Daddy and Big Brother Aidan only went to Costco today for some shopping. Your big brother had a whole big slice of pizza for lunch! He really loves pizzas. He also took a passport picture for his China visa, which Mommy needs to complete the application tomorrow and bring everything to the travel agency. Mommy is being lazy. I'd rather pay an extra $20 than to wait in line with 100000000 other people at the Chinese Consulate.
Mommy is going to get her blood test done tomorrow at the Genetics department. Because of your Leigh's disease, Mommy wants to be sure whether I am a carrier of the DNA as well, or you're just one of the rare ones with the DNA mutation. Since Leigh's disease is a Mitochondrial Disease, and it's genetic and only spread from mothers to children, Mommy needs to be sure whether your big brother carry the DNA as well. The Geneticist mentioned that it's very likely Mommy and your big brother have the same DNA, but not all the mitochondrial DNA have that problem, thus, we're able to function normally. Unfortunately, you had the more severe case and nothing could be done to help you. It might take a while for the blood test result to come back, and I won't know the result until I return from my trip.
One of Mommy's friends, and also Ah Gung and Ah Po asked if Mommy wanted to have another baby. I flat out told them NO. Mommy mentioned to Ah Po whether anyone in Macau or China would like your unsued clothes. If not, then Mommy plans to donate them all. Then Ah Gung and Ah Po asked why not save the clothes for the next baby. Mommy told them, I will not have another baby until I know about the result of the blood test. Mommy tried to explain to them what Leigh's disease is about, and that if Mommy is tested positive, your Auntie might need to get tested, too, as she might also pass that to her future children. I am not sure how she can get tested in Macau, as this is a very specialized genetics test, and I think only a few labs in the world actually perform the test.
Even if Mommy were to have another baby, I don't think I can bear seeing the new baby wearing clothes that should have been belonged to you. Seeing them will just remind me more and more of how you couldn't wear any of these clothes. In the next few weeks, Mommy will slowly start to sort through all of your stuff. Some I will keep and put in a shadow box. Others, I will try to sell or donate them. Your room still remains untouched at the moment. I have all of your medical information, which I don't know what to do with them now. I think I will have to organize them and probably keep them in a box. You will have a special box or chest, where Mommy keeps all of your things. I might not look at them often, but you will always be with us, to the new house, and wherever we go.
Mommy's going to come see you tomorrow after the blood test, ok? I'll talk to you then.
Love you,
Mommy
How are you today? Mommy didn't do much. It's a relaxing Sunday, after such a work out yesterday. Mommy's legs were sore yesterday evening after walking so much. Actually, it's more of my shoes scrapping my ankles, instead of the actual walking. Mommy, Daddy and Big Brother Aidan only went to Costco today for some shopping. Your big brother had a whole big slice of pizza for lunch! He really loves pizzas. He also took a passport picture for his China visa, which Mommy needs to complete the application tomorrow and bring everything to the travel agency. Mommy is being lazy. I'd rather pay an extra $20 than to wait in line with 100000000 other people at the Chinese Consulate.
Mommy is going to get her blood test done tomorrow at the Genetics department. Because of your Leigh's disease, Mommy wants to be sure whether I am a carrier of the DNA as well, or you're just one of the rare ones with the DNA mutation. Since Leigh's disease is a Mitochondrial Disease, and it's genetic and only spread from mothers to children, Mommy needs to be sure whether your big brother carry the DNA as well. The Geneticist mentioned that it's very likely Mommy and your big brother have the same DNA, but not all the mitochondrial DNA have that problem, thus, we're able to function normally. Unfortunately, you had the more severe case and nothing could be done to help you. It might take a while for the blood test result to come back, and I won't know the result until I return from my trip.
One of Mommy's friends, and also Ah Gung and Ah Po asked if Mommy wanted to have another baby. I flat out told them NO. Mommy mentioned to Ah Po whether anyone in Macau or China would like your unsued clothes. If not, then Mommy plans to donate them all. Then Ah Gung and Ah Po asked why not save the clothes for the next baby. Mommy told them, I will not have another baby until I know about the result of the blood test. Mommy tried to explain to them what Leigh's disease is about, and that if Mommy is tested positive, your Auntie might need to get tested, too, as she might also pass that to her future children. I am not sure how she can get tested in Macau, as this is a very specialized genetics test, and I think only a few labs in the world actually perform the test.
Even if Mommy were to have another baby, I don't think I can bear seeing the new baby wearing clothes that should have been belonged to you. Seeing them will just remind me more and more of how you couldn't wear any of these clothes. In the next few weeks, Mommy will slowly start to sort through all of your stuff. Some I will keep and put in a shadow box. Others, I will try to sell or donate them. Your room still remains untouched at the moment. I have all of your medical information, which I don't know what to do with them now. I think I will have to organize them and probably keep them in a box. You will have a special box or chest, where Mommy keeps all of your things. I might not look at them often, but you will always be with us, to the new house, and wherever we go.
Mommy's going to come see you tomorrow after the blood test, ok? I'll talk to you then.
Love you,
Mommy
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Logan's Birth Story - November 16, 2008
It took me a long time to write Aidan's birth story. As so much has happened with Logan, I don't want to forget the details of his birth. Let's see if I can still remember or my mommy brain is malfunctioning.
I started feeling minor contractions the night/early morning of November 16, 2008. I knew the baby would be born that day as I had similar contractions with Aidan. The contractions were not close enough, nor were they very painful. They started coming closer and stronger when I got up in the morning (not that I had a whole lot of sleep that night). I didn't feel nervous or worried, as I were a few days before Logan's birth.
At around 7:30 a.m. or so, I felt that I should probably call Kaiser's advise nurse to see when's a good time to go to the hospital. At that time, my contractions were 5-7 minutes apart and lasted between 45 secs and a minute. When I called, the Labor and Delivery advise nurse suggested me to go in immediately as this is my second child and the delivery usually happened fast. I started getting ready, said goodbye to Aidan as I wouldn't be able to see him for a few days. He was totally fine as my parents were here to keep him company.
Hank and I went to the hospital and arrived at the waiting room at around 8:30 a.m. We waited for almost half an hour before someone came to lead me in the room. The contractions were getting frequent, but they were tolerable. Just like last time, I didn't scream or yell. I just did my deep breathing and held everything in. I checked into LDR4, changed my clothes and was admitted to the hospital. Leads were put on me to monitor my vitals and the contractions. I laid in bed, answered questions, signed forms, got my blood pressure checked, etc. My blood pressure as always was on the high side.
1) took 3 tries to put the IV in me and it was painful and uncomfortable throughout the rest of the duration, last time, no discomfort.
2) I was already 4 cm dilated when I got to the hospital, and quickly got to 6-7 cm in a matter of hours.
3) I could actually felt water coming out of me when the doctor broke my water.
4) Epidural was given when my contraction was gone. Last time, it was given while I had the contractions, thus, I couldn't feel how uncomfortable it was. It was PAINFUL getting epidural!! Besides, I delivered Logan only a couple hours after the epidural, last time it took a while before Aidan was born.
5) I felt very uncomfortable after I got my epidural. Last time, it was a breeze and I couldn't feel anything. This time, I felt tightening of my chest, and it turned out my blood pressure dropped dramatically. The epidural and my blood pressure had to be monitored a little more closely.
6) Hitting the epidural button this time didn't make a difference.
7) I could still feel my contractions (not in a very painful way, but the pressure of it), before and during labor.
8) I could feel the baby coming out and I had to call the nurse immediately as I actually had the urge to push the baby out.
9) Only took 20 minutes to push Logan out, which with Aidan, it took me 2 hours.
10) I was able to hold Logan immediately after his birth and see how purple and wrinkly he was. With Aidan, because he was stuck in me for 2 hours, he was taken to the pediatrician right away instead of to me.
11) I was able to move around after giving birth. I didn't feel sore or very uncomfortable.
We happily took pictures and enjoyed this beautiful baby for a while until the nurse realized his temperature was a little low. The pediatrician was called and because he also found some mysterious rashes on Logan's body, he suggested to have Logan be kept at the Intensive Care Nursery (ICN) for monitoring in case the rashes were caused by an infection. Of course we're worried and weren't thrilled to hear such suggestion, but to be on the safe side, it had to be done.
Hank followed the nurse and pediatrician, and took Logan to the ICN while I waited for the nurse to clean me up and take me to my maternity room. Hank then came to look for me and took me to the ICN to see Logan. He was put on IV fluid, blood work was done for live cultures to see if any bacteria would grow. He was then transferred to the Continuing Care Nursery (CCN) for the next few days.
For the remainder of the stay, I went back and forth from my room to the nursery to see Logan. I didn't really have a lot of rest as I tried to pump every 3 hours to get the colostrum and milk going, and of course I was worried about Logan as well. Hank went home and didn't stay with me as we still had Aidan to take care of. We didn't want both parents to be gone and since it's not my first stay, I felt comfortable enough to be at the hospital by myself. This marked the first day of Logan's life.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Dan Dan's Birthing Story
Dan Dan is already 16 months old and yet I still haven't written his birthing story. I've been meaning to do so for the longest time. After reading a tragic blog of another January 06 Mom from BabyCenter, I decided to open this new blogging account and write about my dear Dan.
I first felt the contractions on the early morning of January 8, 2006. I think I felt some minor pain at around 1 or 2 a.m. I was able to sleep a little, reminding myself to sleep on my left. That morning, the contractions became more painful and frequent. I tried to use the big yoga ball that I got, lean on it on our bed to reduce the pain. Hank tried to massage me, but the pain would not go away (of course, doh!). At around 11 a.m., I called Kaiser and told that I was in pain. They told me that if the contractions were between 2-3 minutes, then I might be ready. From then on, we started tracking the frequency of the contractions, while trying not to go crazy. I think I actually did a pretty good job in not screaming and hurting Hank. I internalized my pain and just made some grunting sounds when the contractions came. Hank tried to comfort me, but was pretty helpless. We were all packed and once the contractions were close enough, we'd head to the hospital.
At around 1:30-2:00 p.m., I called back Kaiser and said my contractions were getting close. That walk from the Kaiser parking lot to the main hospital was definitely not fun. I had to stop and wait for the contractions to come and go before I could walk again. I hope that walking helped with my labor. I remembered walking through the hospital lobby to the elevator, and a woman was whispering to the man beside her that I was in having contractions. Damn right I was! We got to the hospital, waited in the waiting room for a brief time and was checked into the Labor and Delivery room. Everyone at at the hospital was very nice, especially, the nurses. Even though they had different Dr. interns during my stay there, everything was fine. I think I was only 4 cm dilated at the time and they gave me Pitocin (without me asking or telling me). I remembered asking for an epidural as soon as possible! haha Getting the epidural was an interesting experience. I had to wait for the contraction, once it's gone, then they insert that into my spine. I don't remember if that was painful or not since nothing can beat the pain of a contraction, right?
Afterwards, I just laid in bed until it's time. Hank was there with me the whole time. I called my parents to let them I was in the hospital and I bet they were nervous. I also called Lolita and told her to make me some ginger fried rice and bring them to the hospital. My mom said that I had to eat that after the baby is born. During this time, a few residents came in to check on me and see how's the dilating went.
Finally at around 10 p.m., I got to 10 cm and they were ready for the baby to come out. They first had to stop my epidural because I was supposed to push when the contractions came. I couldn't really feel any contractions with the drug. After that, I kept on pushing and pushing and pushing. We tried holding onto the bar, holding onto the towel, and yet Dan Dan's head was still stuck! Hank was on my left and Lolita was on my right, encouraging me along the way. I could feel I was working all the muscles that I had, yet the baby has not come out. During this time, they were monitoring the baby's heart beat and making sure baby was getting enough oxygen. At one point, the nurse gave me an oxygen mask. The resident doctor continued to encourage me to push and didn't really want to slit me open for the baby. It was getting so close that they could see the baby's hair. I guess I should appreciate her belief in my ability to push. They asked if I wanted to feel the hair, I refused. I just wanted to get this over with. Finally, after 2 long hours of pushing, Aidan was born on January 9, 2006 at 12:02 a.m.
Since Aidan was stuck for a while, a pediatrician was on standby to make sure he's doing ok, and draining some of the poopy stuff (I forgot the medical term, meconium?) out of him. They made sure he was ok. Hank was over there watching Aidan and cutting the umbilical cord. I knew he was a proud dad. I, on the other hand, was so dead tired. The doctor continued to get the rest of the placenta and all the bloody stuff out of me. Sewed a couple stitches, and I was fine. I have yet to hold Aidan at this time. At this point, I didn't really feel a lot of emotion towards my newborn baby. I think it's the hormones, the high and low of giving birth.
When Aidan was finally all cleaned up and healthy, I got to hold him for the first time. My precious baby. He's so cute. I was so glad he's not one of those ugly newborn babies. He's adorable! We then spent time taking pictures and videos and rested. I ate some of the ginger fried rice, but oopsie, I threw up all over. It's that epidural acting in my stomach. I wasn't feeling very hungry, just sore from my 'full body workout' for the last 2 hours.
I didn't have the initial happiness of seeing my newborn. All I felt was, "I am glad he's finally out". However, after a while, that overwhelming feeling of LOVE came to me. It kept on growing and growing. You never knew you could love someone so much until you become a parent.
16 months later, I am still so in love with my Dan Dan.
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