Not as bad a visit

Dear Logan,

Both Daddy and I thought that after last visit to see you, your brother might be aware that where you live might not be the happiest place on earth.  We've slowly seen him wanting to stay shorter and shorter.  And after last time's heart-breaking visit, we were worried that he wouldn't want to visit you anymore.

However, when I mentioned that we would be seeing you today, he happily said "yes" and said "I like Logan". What a sigh of relief.  He always likes to help me scrub your door and help me with your flowers.  He's really growing up to be a little helper.  So, whenever I went to get you flowers, I would let him pick out the flowers.  He always accompanies me and helps with getting water while I trim the flowers. 

The plan worked well today as well.  We went to Costco and he picked out the sunflowers for you.  Then he poured water into your door while I scrubbed it clean.  He sang you the number song that he learned at his new school, while I praised him for being a good, big boy.  It was a great visit.

I'm still glad that he hasn't asked the difficult questions about you yet.  I'm not sure how much longer I can avoid such questions, but for now, we'll keep our routine to have your big brother help me out as much as possible.  I don't want him to associate visiting you as a sad experience.


Miss you,
Mommy

Origami Flowers

Hello Logan,

Mommy had an idea. Instead of buying fresh flowers for you each time, I could make origami flowers instead. I used to know how to make Lilies, but I am sure I can refresh my memory by watching the hundreds of YouTube clips like this one below.



Paper flowers might not smell as nice, but they are made by Mommy. Besides, they are cheaper and can last longer. I was thinking, I could even use the drawings and paintings that your brother brought home from school, and make flowers out of them. Then they will be presents from me and him. Usually I just threw his artwork away after I scanned them anyway.

What do you think? I think I am going to go do some shopping tomorrow and make you some!


Love you,
Mommy


p.s. Oh wait..but if they water the grass, then the flowers will all get wet. Mm...maybe I should use the foil type paper, or maybe the bright sun will dry the paper flowers and they will remain standing? I gotta try it out!

A Realization

Dear Baby Logan,

Mommy started off today on the wrong feet. Mommy forgot to do the Mission Mile poster for tomorrow's walk last night and was scrambling this morning to get it sent by 9 a.m. After messing it with for a while, it didn't work out as planned. I would have to print it out and bring that in tomorrow instead. During all this frustration, Mommy realized something. I thought I was fine. I was keeping myself busy this whole week with different errands, going to different places. Mommy didn't cry a whole lot. There were moments when I got teary-eyed, but I did fine for the most part. But when I was so frustrated and upset this morning, Mommy broke down. I wasn't doing as good as I thought I am. I was so upset at myself. I know it takes time, since you it's only been a week and two days since you left us, but I still miss you lots.

Did you hear Mommy and Daddy's voice today? We were at your new home visiting you, and brought you your toys that have kept you company when you were at the hospital. Mommy was also trying to salvage the roses that your grandparents gave you. Since we left the flowers there on Wednesday, we were unable to attend to them as there was no place to put them. Mommy was able to trim the roses and put them in a vase, and also put the potted chrysanthemum nicely on your temporary door. Mommy has also taken a 360 degree view of your new home because I know Ah Gung and Ah Po would like to know what your new home looks like.

We were at the office and tried to pick out a "door" for you. This is going to take some time because we want to get it right. We've made copies of the fonts and pictures that we like, and then Daddy and Mommy will decide what to write on your it. Mommy will definitely get it done before I go back to Macau. It's going to take a while before you have this new "door" to your new home. Hopefully, you will like it.

Remember Mommy told you Daddy and I went over to KB Home yesterday to check out our future home? Daddy told the Sales Rep about you and today we got a surprise from them. The Sales Team at KB Home sent us this pot of beautiful pink flowers! Aren't they sweet? Logan, you have been bringing the kindness and generosity out of everybody. Mommy is so proud of you.

So, tomorrow is the big walk. Mommy will take tons of pictures to show you, and will tell you all about it. Remember to watch us up in heaven with all the other babies whose families are walking in their memory as well.

Love you,
Mommy