Dear Logan,
Had my work CPR re-certification today. It was a pretty uncomfortable 2.5 hours, because it brought back too many sad memories of you. The talk about knowing someone who passed away, to the instructor repeatedly mentioning CPR is done on DEAD people, to revisiting my experience on calling 911 when you turned purple on me and I had to "wake" you back up - these were really gruesome hours and I could feel my eyes swelled up a little. The worst part was instructor's description of noticing the face of the person in need -- waxy-looking, meaning it was too late for CPR already.
Oh, how I clearly remember when you became my porcelain angel the day you left me. The whole class was like a flashback of the last month of your life, starting from the 30 mins before the 911 call.
I'm glad the class is over. If I were to stay with my agency again, I would have to do this again 3 yrs later. At least by then, the wound won't be as fresh as today's.
It's been 8.5 months, and it still hurts.
Miss you,
Mommy
2 comments:
Yeah, I hear you. I want to cry.
My thoughts are with you.It will get better for you ..maybe not now and you may think it will always hurt....But your baby was very lucky to have a mother like you to love him so much in the way that you do.if it helps at all this is a cruel world and hes in a better place...and if you believe theres better...you will be reunited one day in a far better place.you should always hold your head up for making such a beautiful baby and being such an amazing mom and person....My thoughts and love are with you and your family x
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