Quick Snow Trip

Dear Logan,

We had a quick 3-day trip up the mountains to Reno.  I was hoping to get Aidan to take a ski lesson and introduce him to skiing, esp. since he's played it on the Wii and has watched the Winter Olympics.  I didn't make reservations for any lessons, because I didn't want to waste money in case we had to cancel our trip due to the winter storms we've been having.  And you know what, this turned out to be the most frustrating mistake I've made during this whole trip.

So, on the 27th, we drove to Reno and the weather was beautiful.  We left the house at around 9 a.m., stopped by Auburn for a quick Mc D lunch and then headed to our regular stop at Nyack.  Here, we did some sledding, just like last year.  As it turned out, this became our only snow playing experience.  Sledding was fun and Aidan was totally into it, and not scared at all.  He still enjoyed throwing snowballs at us and at the sled.  We tried to build a snowman, but without any tools, it proved to be extremely difficult.  We continued our trip to Reno and luckily, snow chains were not required.  We arrived at the Eldorado Hotel at around 4 p.m.

I guess because Mommy has been so addicted to Facebook (been checking-in along the way), Uncle Stanley called me and asked if we wanted to meet up for dinner.  The Neng family were also there the same days and staying at the same hotel.  So, we met up for dinner at The Buffet and played at Midway in Circus Circus.  Aidan and Matthew hit it off real well.  They were like long-lost best buddies.

Our plan for Tuesday was to have Aidan take a ski lesson at Mt. Rose.  As I mentioned, I didn't sign up for a lesson.  So by the time we got there at around 10 a.m., only the 2:00 p.m class was available.  It was a little too late for us, as it was snowing and we didn't have any snow chains.  Daddy was very worried about the driving condition.  So we decided to just rent the ski equipment and had Aidan played in the snow for a while.  We waited in line for TWO hours at the Rosebuds (kids ski camps) for ski rental and was turned away once we reached the counter.  The staff told us that they barely had enough equipment for the lessons and couldn't rent us the skiis.  I was PISSED!  I've talked to at least 4 different staff members, questioning whether I could rent the equipment from the Rosebuds line and none of them told me otherwise.  By that time, we were all starving and grouchy and pissed off.  I didn't have the energy to argue with anyone.  We just left, got lunch and headed downhill to Starbucks.  While at Starbucks, I went to Mt. Rose's website and filed a complaint about the situation.  I am usually not the type to file a complaint, but I was really angry.  After Mt. Rose, we just headed back to Eldorado, played at Circus Circus and had another buffet dinner.

All night long, Daddy was very worried about the driving condition.  We originally planned to leave early on Wednesday, then to stop by Boreal or Soda Springs for some tubing.  But because of the snow storms, we canceled all plans but left at 8 a.m. for home.  Driving condition was a little crazy and visibility was bad. Luckily, our car is a 4-wheel drive and we didn't need any chains.  We made it back to Milpitas for lunch at around 12:30 p.m and ended our trip without much snow play.



We will probably go back up the mountain some time next year.  This trip is just too disappointing.  Hopefully, next time we won't encounter any snow storm, and I will definitely make reservations for ski lessons.

Love,
Mommy

Merry Christmas to you, my dear!

Dear Logan,

I was so glad that yesterday was not a rainy day.  It's been raining so much the last few weeks that I felt bad I couldn't stop by to visit you.  Thank God, on Christmas Eve, there's no rain!


Just like last year, everywhere was a filled with red flowers when we arrived at your place.  We noticed more little ones reside next to you.  Aidan performed his two Christmas songs for you, and it was nice to bring some holiday cheer to such a sad place.  When we're about to leave, we saw an earthworm climbing on you.  Your brother found that very fascinating.  I told him the earthworm probably heard his singing and wanted to come up to listen to some more.  I also told him that the earthworm would keep you company, so you're not alone.  He then asked me about you.  Why is Logan here? *pointing to you*  I wasn't expecting him to ask that question.  I simply told him that you were very sick, and couldn't come home with us.  But you are at your own place now, and with other children keeping you company. 

I saw a young couple visiting their baby.  I didn't look closely, but I could tell the baby started living close to you not too long ago.  Though the baby's mommy was wearing sunglasses, I could tell that she was sobbing.  The combination of Aidan's question about you, seeing this mom, and the holiday season, brought me great sadness.  I couldn't help but wish you were here with us, just like 2 years ago.  I can't believe this is the second Christmas without you.

We went to Christmas Mass today, and guess who presided?  It's Father Seimas.  After yesterday's sadness, it was nice to see Father Seimas on Christmas Day.  It just felt that he has brought you to us.  Although St. Joseph is not the closest Church to our house, you led us to this parish, and this will be our go-to Church from now on.  I think even Daddy felt that way.

Merry Christmas, my dear.  I wish you were here physically, but I know you are here with us all the time.


Miss you,
Mommy

Christmas Eve Festivities!

Dear Logan,

We had a very busy Christmas Eve!  In the morning, it's our little annual tradition of gingerbread house decorating.  I think I started this 5 years ago when I was pregnant with your brother.  I remember it was my first time decorating a gingerbread house, and thought it would be fun to make it an annual tradition.  After last year's last minute craziness of looking for the gingerbread house kit, this year I bought mine at Costco once I saw it back in October.  I know it's a little early, but I didn't want to go hunting for it this year. 

Aidan definitely remembered our little tradition.  He woke up and remember today's Christmas Eve and it's gingerbread house day.  He was able to focus more this year, and also more playful in eating the icing and the candies!  Though I have to say, he did a pretty good job in sort of controlling his urge, and in staying on track with what we're doing.  I tried to have him put on all the candies, while I piped the icing.  I tried not to be too  controlling when he messed up, though it was difficult.  But in the end, he did most of it.  I know it's not the prettiest house out there, but I think we did a pretty good job. It's the effort that counts, right? What do you think?

In the evening, we had a lovely dinner at Pasta Pomodoro before heading out to Downtown San Jose for Christmas in the Park.  I think Aidan is enjoying the festivities a little more this year than last.  He was more engaged and had a longer attention span in checking out the display.  He even wanted to get on the the big Ferris Wheel.  He never wanted to try and was always scared, but this time around he wanted to.  Unfortunately, it was getting late and the line was too long, we didn't get on it.  He was so sad and cried.  I felt horrible that we had to leave, but I didn't think he had the energy and patience to wait.  I told him we'll try to come back again by the end of the year, if it doesn't rain.  I even told him we could go on the Mickey Mouse Ferris Wheel when we go to Disneyland.  Hopefully, he would want to get on it.

Speaking of the Ferris Wheel, we saw a few children rides there that were from Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.  I've heard of it on the news, so when I went there, I seek them out.  And...Ta-Da!  Found them!  I wasn't the only one amazed at that.  I believe the rides were sold to different traveling amusement rides company, and these 3 rides have landed in San Jose.

Tomorrow is Christmas Day and it will definitely be a lot more mellow than today.


Love you,
Mommy

Monticello Holiday Program!

Dear Logan,

We finally got to see your brother's first performance yesterday at his preschool's holiday program.  He's been practicing singing "Jingle Bell Rock", "Frosty The Snowman" and "My Two Front Teeth" for the whole month.  I was very surprised he knew the lyrics to all three songs, because I surely don't!

Daddy and Mommy got off work early to get to the gymnasium at the other campus half an hour early to find a seat.  Well, we're not the only parents who wanted good seats.  When we got there, the seats were 3/4 full already.  We were deciding to either sit towards the left of the stage, or towards the back but in the middle of the stage.  We opted for the left side.  Luckily, your brother was standing close to us!  Phew!  When we got there, we saw several tripods with video cameras already set up.  All family members either had their digital cameras or video cameras ready to snap and record the performance.  Mommy was in charge of taking videos with my camera, and Daddy was in charge of taking pictures with his phone.  Too bad we didn't have a decent video camera, as it was a little difficult to zoom when Aidan was standing towards the right of the stage during the big group song at the end of the performance. I think it's time to invest on a good video camera.  We actually bought a video camera 5 years ago when your brother was born, but never really used it.

The performances from all classes were great!  The older kids, 4- year olds like your brother, all knew the lyrics to the songs.  I was surprised the younger ones were singing super well, too.  Only two crying 2-year olds were on stage, but they were just super cute.  No one minded their crying at all.  There were four classes, and each class performed 3 songs.  At the end, the whole school, teachers and students, went on stage to sing the school song, "Monticello School".  It was a lovely performance.  I'm looking forward to many more of these performances, now that your brother is old enough.  It was a lovely occasion to kick off the holiday season.

Here are the videos I took with my small digital camera.  They are not of the best quality, but you can still see Aidan.  For some reason, the first song, Frosty the Snowman, was not recorded.  Weird!

Love,
Mommy

Thanksgiving 2010

Dear Logan,

Thanksgiving came and left.  I couldn't believe we're heading into December really soon.  We had a lovely Thanksgiving Dinner at Uncle Paul and Auntie Rachel's house last night.  I think it has slowly become a tradition for us to spend Thanksgiving with them.  This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for my wonderful family and friends, and relatively good health for everyone.

As mentioned, we were at The Lamberts last night for their annual Thanksgiving dinner with friends, starting early at 2 p.m.  They usually had their dinner super early, as friends came early, ate, talked, played, ate and then left.  It's an all-afternoon event.  Unfortunately, Daddy is on-call this whole week from 7 a.m. - 7 p.m., so he pretty much worked the whole time we were at Uncle Paul and Auntie Rachel's house. Luckily, he could still be a part of the gathering, and had some delicious food.  And, some of his co-workers were at the dinner, so if he had any work questions, he could ask them right there!  The weather has become increasingly cold.  It was super cold last night when we were out in the backyard and patio.  Uncle Paul had to set up his two heat lamps outside, so that he could offer more room for his guests to congregate.  There were so many people, it was difficult for everyone to be inside the house.

Guess what I did last night after your brother went to bed?  I joined the Black Friday shopping madness at ToysRUs!!!  I knew it would be crazy, but I figured this year since they're starting at 10 p.m.instead of 5 a.m., I could just go after your brother went to bed.  And I guess many people thought the same way I did, as there were so many people.  I got there 5 minutes before 10 p.m., and the line went all around the store.  I saw many families with young children, and felt bad for the kids for being dragged out late at night to join the madness in such cold weather.  When inside the store, I could barely go through some aisles because they were packed with people waiting in line for check out.  The check-out lines curved all around the store.  I managed to grab a few "good" deals, I think, for the kids.  I got a bed tent for your brother, but it wasn't really his main present.  It's just something I think he might enjoy.  Guess how long it took for me to complete this whole shopping experience?  I got into the store at around 10:36 p.m., and finished shopping in less than an hour.  However, the check-out lines were CRAZY.  I started waiting in line at around 11 p.m., and it took me 1 hr and 45 mins to arrive at the cashier.  By the time I got home, it's already 1 a.m.

I would definitely not join this kind of madness again.  This will be my first and last Black Friday in-store experience.  I think I would rather pay a little more than to join all those enthusiastic shoppers.  Besides, I didn't really have any "must have" items that I wanted.  Today, I leisurely strolled around Target with Aidan, and I still managed to get some more "good deals".  The shopping season has only just begun.


Love you,
Mommy

Happy 2nd Birthday, Little Lobster!

Dear Logan,

Happy Birthday!  You're turning 2 today!  I can't believe you're 2 already.  It seems like not too long ago I was in the hospital, waiting for your arrival.  You were good to Mommy.  Only had to push for a while and then you came to this world.  Unfortunately, Mommy brought you to this world and you suffered throughout your life.

Even though you've been gone for over a year, whenever I see a child of your age, I imagine what you would be like if you're still around.  Daddy and Mommy have a couple friends with children around your age.  So, whenever I see the kids, I think of you.

How are those balloons?  I didn't get the chance to visit you yesterday to see if the latex balloons survived.  When we brought the balloons to you on Saturday, we saw 3 of the 5 latex balloons popped because of the grass.  No wonder when I did a quick scan around the area, I only saw the foil balloons and not the latex ones.  Now Mommy learned!

I put down your birthday in our little calendar posted on the fridge.  Today when I dropped Aidan off at school, he said, "Today is Logan's Birthday".  I was so proud of him that he remembered, even though he didn't check the calendar today.  At times when Aidan was looking at pictures and videos of you, he would tell me that he missed you.  I'm not sure if he fully understand the word "miss" but it doesn't matter.  He knows he has a little brother, and that's you.

We love and miss you so much.  I so wish you're here and I could throw you a big birthday party.

Love you,
Mommy

The "S" Word

Dear Logan,


Upon arriving to Aidan's school today for the International Potluck Party, your brother was happily playing with his friends, until it was time for the potluck.  I sat down with the other parents in the playground, after being ordered by your brother that I shouldn't just stand there and watch, but to sit down with all the other daddies and mommies.  When it's time for food, I headed over to Aidan and saw him holding a teacher's hand.  Then I was told that Aidan needed to hold on to his teacher for 2 minutes.  I immediately knew that he did something wrong and was having a little 'time-out'.  I patiently waited for the 2 minutes to be over, and then approached them.  Teacher told me that she had to tell Aidan a few times today not to hit his friends but to use his words to express frustrations.  He is still learning to express his frustrations with words, instead of crying or hitting.  Teacher said she also talked to the other boys.

When I asked him why he hit his friends.  He answered:

"M called me stupid and I didn't like that".

I literally was speechless for one second, amazed that four-year-olds knew how to use that word already.  I recovered for a minor shock, and continued with my speech about not using his hands, that it's never ok to hit, and to tell his friends that he didn't like them using that word.  I wasn't sure if Aidan told the teacher this and I couldn't see the teacher's reaction, so I wasn't sure if she was as surprised as I was.  But she did encourage Aidan to tell the teachers if something like this happened again.

On our drive home, I reminded Aidan again to never hit anyone.  I told him to tell his friends that he didn't like being called that, and to tell his teachers about it.  I asked him if he knew what "stupid" meant, but I don't think he did.  He only knew that it was a 'bad' word from playing an online Martha Speaks game on PBS Kids.  He recalled being that "stupendous" was good, but "stupid" was bad.

When we went home, we told Daddy about what happened.  I had him tell me about what he should tell his friends if such an incident occur again.

Boys.  Definitely need more time to mature and learn to control and express emotions more appropriately.  But then, Aidan is not even 5 years old.  Expecting him to be mature is a little unrealistic, right?

I know I am always mindful of the words that I use around Aidan.  I don't think I've ever used the word "stupid" to describe anything in front of him.  But that doesn't mean he won't learn it anywhere else.  I just want him to be a little boy for a little longer.  He's growing up too fast.


Love,
Mommy

Fun and Event-filled Halloween!

Dear Logan,

Wow.. what a busy Halloween we had!  I was so tired yesterday that I slept from 9 p.m. to 7 a.m.!

After visiting you and bringing you the two little pumpkins, we met up with Melanie, Uncle Kyle and Auntie Leonor at Happy Hollow for a "scare-free" Halloween!  It has got to be one of the warmest Hallweens I've had in a long time.  I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and sweating the whole afternoon in the sun.  Actually, I might have gotten a little sun burnt.  Your poor brother was so hot that I had to take off his inner shirt, and not put on the headpiece for his outfit.  He was wearing thick pants inside, and the elastics of his wings were too short and hurting him.  But after taking off all the uncomfortable garments, he was free and silly as usual.

There were so many kids at Happy Hollow.  It was really cute as almost all kids were dressed up.  I see many parents dressed up as well.  I don't think anyone has predicted such a warm day, as many kids dressed in pretty warm costumes, probably better suited for night time trick-or-treating.  We didn't collect a lot of candies, since most stations were giving out non-food items such as flower seeds, buttons, paper helicopter, etc.  Us adults wanted to hit all the trick-or-treat stations, but the kids had a mind of their own.  They didn't care about trick-or-treating.  They just wanted to go and have fun, and get on the rides.  I think this is especially true for your brother than Melanie.  We stayed a good 2.5-3 hours, and left after the 3 p.m. parade.  We were so tired that I almost wanted to give up and not head to Auntie Alex's house for dinner and trick-or-treat.  Aidan was so tired in the car, I thought he would fall asleep on our way home.

But after changing out his thick pants and rested for a little while, he was as energetic as ever.  Not sure if it's the apple juices that he had, or the excitement of going out, his energy level kept up high until he finally lay on his bed.  So, we headed over to the Higgins Residence and had a lovely dinner of ribs and sushi.  Interesting combination, right?  That's how diverse we are here!  Auntie Alex and Uncle Jasen got their Halloween decorations up and got ready for the kids after dinner.  When there was still light out, I took Aidan trick-or-treating in the neighborhood.  He was having fun and doing just great (even winning a game to get a prize), until he came to a house with some scarier decorations, a flying ghost and scary music.  Being the scaredy cat that he is, he immediately said he wanted to go home.  So, we went back and on our way stopped by several other houses.

When we got back, he assisted Uncle Jasen in giving out candies to the trick-or-treaters.  He was being such a good helper and was so proud of himself.  I think he enjoyed giving out candies more than collecting candies himself.  I persuaded him to leave and go home to give out candies instead.  Unfortunately, only one family stopped by (Daddy actually encouraged them to come by).  I think by then, Aidan was a little too tired to be disappointed in the lack of trick-or-treaters.  Maybe next year we should just stay home and give out candies.  Now, I have a whole bucket of lollipops in my house.

Halloween is over.  The next holiday up is Thanksgiving.  We're not quite sure what we'll be doing that weekend, esp. since daddy is on-call that whole week.  One thing for sure, we will probably going to have dinner at Uncle Paul and Auntie Rachel's house.  I think this is slowly becoming our annual tradition.


Love you,
Mommy

Aidan's BFF

Dear Logan,

Remember your brother's best friend, Jia Jia, from CCLC?  Her mother called me up and said Jia Jia misses Aidan.  So we set-up a playdate and met today.  We headed over to Jia Jia's house, and the two of them played like they have never been separated.  Wasn't that cool?  In reality, Aidan hasn't seen Jia Jian since the end of July.  In the beginning, your brother was more into the toys in the house than actually playing with Jia Jia.  But after a little warm up, they were acting silly as usual.  I wonder how long this friendship will last.  If Jia Jia and her mother are willing, I would love to keep this friendship going.  It doesn't hurt that us mommies also seemed to get along pretty well.

Oh, since it's pre-Halloween, we decorated a few pumpkins for you.  I used a sharpie and drew out some silly things on the miniature pumpkins.  Aidan wanted to participate and drew a smiley face for you.  At first, I thought I would bring them all to you.  But after some thought, I worried there wouldn't be enough room.  So, I asked Aidan to select two to bring them to you.  Guess which ones he picked?  He didn't pick his smiley face.  Instead he picked Mickey Mouse/Minnie Mouse (each character on one side of the pumpkin) and the little ghosts.  We all know he likes Mickey and Minnie.  I think he also likes the word "BOO!", that's why he picked that one.  We will be bringing them to you tomorrow before we head out to Happy Hollow for our Halloween date with the Cheung's!

Miss you,
Mommy

Pumpkins and Pizza!

Dear Logan,

Weather is definitely changing.  Fall has come upon us, bringing cooler temperature and rain.  It's been cloudy and rainy the last few days.  I like the Fall weather, but not the rain.

Today has been a very productive and fun day.  Because of the weather, we didn't go out.  But in order to keep your brother away from the TV and any electronics, I had to keep him busy.  He was watching his beloved Mickey Mouse Clubhouse this morning for a while.  But then, I was able to tempt him to go outside and play some baseball and soccer with me.  I was going to take him to the Children Museum in the afternoon, but then I got lazy and took a nap instead.  Of course, the point was to get your brother to sleep, but he didn't nap at all.  But at least he rested for a while.

Then the real fun began.  Yesterday, we went to Safeway and bought 2 big pumpkins and a few small ones.  Ever since I had my first pumpkin carving experience last year, I wanted to do it again this year, and maybe many more years to come.  Though I didn't grow up carving pumpkins, your brother has to have this experience.  At first, he wanted to carve Mickey Mouse, then today he changed his mind to Minnie Mouse.  He said he wanted Minnie Mouse because she's pretty.  Isn't he too young to like pretty girls?  So, I printed out the pictures of Mickey and Minnie from the Disney website and attempted doing it.

I set-up the table and Aidan assisted me for a while in scooping out the seeds and meat out of the pumpkins.  It was hard work, and was a little difficult for him.  This process took so long that he got bored and went to play with his toys instead.  So, this project ended up being completed by Daddy and Mommy.  I was glad Daddy finished working in time to take pictures and to carve out a Mickey Mouse.  I did Minnie and was so proud of the finished product.  I think the end products were pretty good, don't you think so?

Then comes the second part of our fun day... Pizza making.  Last week, Aidan wanted to make pizza, but we were unable to do that.  So yesterday, we went shopping for the ingredients and made it today.  Aidan was a lot of more involved in this process.  He assisted in spreading the tomato sauce, sprinkling cheese, layering his favorite pepperoni, mushrooms, pineapple and more cheese.  The pizza was pretty tasty!  We even have leftovers for breakfast or lunch tomorrow.

We had a rather productive day today.  Now I just hope the weather would be nice next weekend so that we can go trick-or-treating.  When we come by next Saturday to see you, I'll bring you some small pumpkins, ok?

Love you,
Mommy

Aidan's School Life

Dear Logan,

I didn't get a chance to give you an update on your brother's little hip condition.  Everything's fine!  He recovered really fast and was back to normal after 2 days.  What a big relief!

Mommy has been very busy with work lately.  Too many things going on and I was going crazy for a while.  This coming week will be another crazy week.  I've been actively looking for a job in the for-profit world, but with a bad economy and so many more qualified candidates out there, I haven't had any luck.  I am really not in a hurry to quit my job, it's just I am mentally and physically tired.  The commute is really getting to me.  Now that your brother's school is in Sunnyvale, I don't have the midway break in Palo Alto anymore.  The traffic down 280 by your place is so bad everyday, sometimes taking 101 is actually faster.

Aidan is enjoying life in his new school.  He is like a little sponge!  He's soaking up all the new words, new ideas, and new discoveries.  I am amazed at the things that they teach to 4-year-olds these days.  He learned about AB color and patterns, Pledge of Allegiance, Book Title and Authors, Earthquake drills, and of course reading and writing.

Aidan has never been an artist.  His art is still no way near the quality of other kids' that I've seen.  However, he has definitely developed a bigger interest in drawing these days.  His favorite thing to draw: Traffic Lights.  He's been drawing pictures of traffic lights and posting them on his bedroom wall.  It's actually really cute.  Of course, I wish he would be drawing cars and airplanes and flowers and trees, but I am happy that he is finally not opposing to drawing.  Took him a while.  His main interests are still in numbers, clocks and calendars.  That's him.  Numbers!

Remember the Spanish number song he sang to you last time?  Yes, he's learning Spanish at school, too.  Hopefully, next year his interest in learning Mandarin will be just as great.


Love you,
Mommy

Definitely a false alarm!

Dear Logan,

Thanks for watching over your big bro.  He's definitely a lot better today.  He was able to stand a little early this morning when we woke up.  Then throughout the day, he could sit and stand without much discomfort.  Yesterday, he would be crying when we moved him from one position to another.  I was able to take him shopping for his Buzz Lightyear outfit in a stroller, and went to Walmart and Costco for some shopping by placing him in the shopping cart.

By the end of the day, he was able to finally go pee pee by himself, walk like a crab for most of the day, and then limp and walk semi-normal.  What a big relief.  I guess the Dr. M was right.  It might be a case of Toxic Synovitis. 

I am hoping by tomorrow, your brother could be back to normal, though we will still limit him walking too much or running.  Hopefully he can go back to school on Monday.


Love you,
Mommy

It's just a scare. Make it a scare! False Alarm!

Dear Logan,

What a day.  Finally get a chance to relax since 4 a.m. this morning.  Let me tell you what happened today.

Your brother woke up at 4 a.m. crying in pain.  He complained that his leg was hurting.  So  I went to his room, laid down in bed next to him and gently massage his left thigh.  He slowly went back to sleep, and I went back to my room.  Not too long later, he cried and screamed in pain.  Aidan has a pretty high tolerance of pain.  If he's crying like this, he WAS in pain.  I went over and slept with him, comforting and massaging his left leg again.  He woke up periodically crying in pain.  I knew I would have to take him to the doctor when the sun came up.  This crying, massaging, soothing lasted until about 6:15 a.m.  Daddy was smart enough to suggest Mortrin.  Doh!  Why didn't I think of it at 4 a.m.??  We gave him some Mortrin and called our "trusted" Kaiser.  I called Kaiser way too often within the last 5 years as a parent.  We're lucky enough to get an appointment with the pediatrician at 10:50 a.m.  Phew!

The next few hours, I busied myself with calling work, calling your brother's school, sending work e-mails and such.  It's really too bad because today was Aidan's first field trip from school, and they're going to a pumpkin patch.  I told him that I would take him to another pumpkin patch to make up for it.  But he was sad coz he's been looking forward to taking the school bus!  Well that's what I told him before that he would be taking a school bus for field trips.  He then dozed back to sleep, and periodically whimpered and cried about the pain, and demanded me to scratch his big toe, side of his leg, etc.

Getting him in and out of the car was an adventure at first.  He had pain extending and bending his leg.  It was quite an ordeal getting him buckled up in the car seat, and then transferring him to the umbrella stroller (Thanks to the Cheung's for the stroller during our Disneyland Trip).  Got to Kaiser and waited for the doctor without much adventure.  Dr. M examined Aidan, and believed it's not the leg that was the problem, but his hips.  So, she ordered blood tests to rule out any infection, and an X-ray to check out his bones.  She said sometimes kids just hurt for a few days, and then got better by itself.  Sometimes, they get some sort of arthritis after a cold, and the pain will go away.  But just in case, she ordered those tests and x-ray to rule out any other problem.

Aidan's not even 5 years old, and he already had blood work done several times (when he was dehydrated/undernourished at 4 days old), and two X-rays (one when he fractured his skull at 10 months old).  How many more X-rays do I need to see him go through??  Aidan was a real trooper.  I've always been very proud of him when he had to get his immunization shots.  This time was a little different.  Daddy had to transfer him from the stroller to my lap, gave the technicians his left arm and got blood drawn.  He whimpered a little with the initial poke, but I was able to distract him with his toy.  I am so proud of him!

Then off to Radiology.  The all-too-familiar Radiology department.  I remember passing by there very often on the way to see you when you're at the hospital.  Once the doctor mentioned it's by the hospital wing, I immediately knew where it was.  Not a good feeling.  So, we got there and it's close to lunch time.  Luckily, we didn't have to wait for too long and was called in to change Aidan's clothes.  Getting the x-ray done wasn't too bad.  He found the fun in staring at the mirror to look at his reflections and make silly faces.  He was calm and listened to directions.  A trooper again!  I was relieved.

*waiting to get his X-ray*

Then off we went back to the pediatrician's office. I had to admit I was a little concerned when we're in the waiting room.  I thought about little Alan, and was afraid Aidan might have some sort of cancer.  I thought of you, and worried Aidan might also have a high percentage of mutated mitochondria that caused all this.   We waited for about 30 minutes and was seen by Dr. M. again.  She said she received 2 of the 3 blood test results and everything came back normal.  She's not concerned about the other test.  It appeared there's no infection.  She looked at the X-ray and didn't see anything abnormal.  But she wanted to confirm with the Radiologist before officially said everything was fine.  She suggested us to go home and would contact us after speaking with the radiologist.  So we left Kaiser at around 12:45 p.m.

I finally got the call back from Dr. M at around 3:45 p.m.  She told me that the Radiologist saw something in Aidan's hip bone that might be of concern of a problem that is usually seen in kids 10 years and older.  She also consulted with the two Orthopaedic surgeons, and both of them were NOT concerned.  Am I concerned?  Heck Yeah!  I asked Dr. M if a history of Leigh's Disease would cause the problem.  She said it had nothing to do with it.  Minor sigh of relief here, because I know everything linked to a Mitochondrial disease is definitely BAD news.  So for now, we would just monitor Aidan's pain.  If it got worse and he has a fever, then we need to bring him to the ER.  If the pain lessens and he can walk again, even with a limp, then we're going towards the right direction.

Please pray for your big brother and see that he gets better soon.  We plan to all come to visit you this weekend.  But now that he can't walk, we will probably stay home all weekend.

Love you,

Mommy

Not as bad a visit

Dear Logan,

Both Daddy and I thought that after last visit to see you, your brother might be aware that where you live might not be the happiest place on earth.  We've slowly seen him wanting to stay shorter and shorter.  And after last time's heart-breaking visit, we were worried that he wouldn't want to visit you anymore.

However, when I mentioned that we would be seeing you today, he happily said "yes" and said "I like Logan". What a sigh of relief.  He always likes to help me scrub your door and help me with your flowers.  He's really growing up to be a little helper.  So, whenever I went to get you flowers, I would let him pick out the flowers.  He always accompanies me and helps with getting water while I trim the flowers. 

The plan worked well today as well.  We went to Costco and he picked out the sunflowers for you.  Then he poured water into your door while I scrubbed it clean.  He sang you the number song that he learned at his new school, while I praised him for being a good, big boy.  It was a great visit.

I'm still glad that he hasn't asked the difficult questions about you yet.  I'm not sure how much longer I can avoid such questions, but for now, we'll keep our routine to have your big brother help me out as much as possible.  I don't want him to associate visiting you as a sad experience.


Miss you,
Mommy

Thinking of you

Dear Logan,

I was at Kaiser again this afternoon.  Saturdays are definitely a lot quieter than a weekday.

Ever since I left the hospital wing over a year ago, I don't believe I've stepped foot into that area again.  Yes, I've been to many doctor's visits recently, but they are all at the medical offices building.  The hospital building and the medical offices building are actually attached to each other.  It's really easy to just go back to those familiar elevators.

As I was walking through the hallway towards the Optometry department, I could see through the glass window/wall lined along the way into the hospital wing across the courtyard.  Because it was such a quiet day, I couldn't help by slow down my pace, and take in the view and the silence.  My thoughts just drifted back to you and the time we spent there.  I could see the hospital side clearly.  I didn't stop and ponder, but slowly walked to where I needed to go.  It was just a few brief seconds, but it made an impact.

Miss you,
Mommy

Is it already time to say goodbye to naps?

Dear Logan,

Ever since last month's vacation, your brother's afternoon nap schedule has been way off.  There were days when he would nap from 3-5:30 p.m. (with me waking him up) and then he wouldn't sleep at night until close to 11 p.m.  Those nights totally drove me crazy.  On days that he didn't nap, our evenings were horrible.  He would be especially hard to deal with, and wouldn't listen to me or Daddy.  Those evenings usually coincided with our dinnertime, and that meal turned out to be pretty unpleasant at times.

This past week, he only napped today.  He almost napped on Monday on our way back from Happy Hollow, but because the ride was only 20 mins, he didn't start falling asleep until we almost arrived home.  By the time I stopped the car and got him inside the house, he's wide awake enough to get on my computer to watch videos.

He definitely didn't sleep on his first three days of school.  No surprise there.  Naps start at 1 p.m., and it's a little too early for him, though it's the same schedule as his old school.  At his old school, it took the magic touch of a particular teacher to get him to sleep.  Luckily I was able to get him to bed before 9 p.m., so he had at least 10 hours of sleep at night.


Afternoon naps are a break for Daddy and Mommy on the weekends.  Although he slept today, I am pretty sure he's just about to grow out of his naps.  I was hoping he can wait for another year or so, and just cut that nap when he goes to Kindergarten next year.  I guess no such luck.  All I wish is for his crankiness and disobedience to go away on days that he does not nap.


Love you,
Mommy

Back to work and back to school, may not be such a bad idea

Dear Logan,

Today is the second day of me going back to work.  It has been two very busy days.  While I was gone for a month, a lot has happened at work, and I had a lot of catch-up to do.  I couldn't really slowly ease myself back to work, as I need to update myself on what's been going on with my clients, and getting ready for the many meetings that have been scheduled for next week.

Aidan, on the other hand, has finally started at his new school.  It seems like he is having a good time, and likes his friends and teachers.  Yesterday, both daddy and mommy took him to his new school.  It was nice for us both to be present.  When I came home from work, I immediately asked him about his day.  He told me he has a best friend!  Wow, that was fast!  His best friend is Roger.  I noticed this little boy during the first trial day.  He was quiet, didn't say much, but also was observing Aidan and following him around a little.  He is a little shorter than Aidan, and possibly younger as well.  You know your brother, he's active and talkative.  It's really not hard for him to make friends.  I asked the teacher this morning when I dropped him off at school to confirm this new blossoming friendship.  Ms. R said that they were playing together a lot.  It's also nice to see Aidan giving Ms. R a big hug in the morning.  Although Aidan tends to hug everyone, I think it still hows he likes his teacher.

Being with Aidan for a whole month, esp. alone with him for the last 1.5 weeks, possibly put a strain in our relationship.  It's been a long time since I spent so much time with him alone.  It was tough, as he sometimes drives me crazy.  I need to keep him away from all electronic devices at home as much as possible: TV, computer, laptop, Wii, and cameras.  Thank god I am not a stay-at-home mother.  I would be a terrible mother.  I am addicted to the TV and laptop, and no wonder Aidan is as well.  I had to take him out every single day to keep him happy and active.  At the end of the day, I was so burnt out from being with him, I just wanted a break.

But now that I am back to work and I only get to spend 2-3 hours with him before he has to go to bed, the time we spend together has become priceless again.  I am eager to ask him everything about school, though he always says "I don't know".  I am happy to hug and kiss him non-stop, and read him stories every night.  Even getting him to sleep has become enjoyable again. 

Life is back to normal.  For once, I miss such normalcy in life...until I become restless and bored again.


Love you,
Mommy

Just can't get away from Kaiser

Dear Logan,

I spent all morning yesterday running around at Kaiser like a crazy woman.  First of all, I had an appointment with my new PCP.  Then, I headed over to the lab thinking I should get all the blood tests done, but wasn't able to do so as I had to fast for 12 hrs first.  Doh!  I then went over to Pediatrics to drop off the school forms for your brother's pediatrician to sign.  Next, I went over to the Optometry department to set up an appointment for a future check-up in regards to the allergies in my eyes.  It's so troublesome that because of insurance policies and to lower my cost, I had to bounce between my regular optometrist and the Kaiser one.  I couldn't wear my usual contacts still because the little bumps under my eyelids came back after I started wearing again.  I have to continue with my eye drop treatment, then see the Kaiser optometrist to see if I am cleared to try out these new 1-Day contacts that my other optometrist gave me.  Hopefully, I am only allergic to this one brand of contact lenses and not all.  I can't stand wearing my eyeglasses all the time, and can't afford Lasik at the moment.

Anyways, after scheduling an appointment at the Optometry department, I headed over to Ob/Gyn to schedule an appointment.  I was lucky enough to get an appointment an hour later, so I just sat and waited.  Thank god for my phone, if not I would have been bored to death waiting for that hour.  Actually, I was seen within the hour.

Both the PCP and OB/GYN are new, and they both seemed nice.  Even though I've been with Kaiser for 11 years, I never developed any relationships with my doctors.  I guess the most that I've seen was my last Ob/Gyn, since I had two pregnancies.  But starting off with new doctors, also meant that I had to tell them all about my history, esp. in regards to you and my genetic tests results.

Most of the time when talking about you, I would be fine.  But yesterday when I had to talk to my doctors about you again, I got choked up and had to hold back my tears.  I'm not over it yet.  It still hurts deep down.  It doesn't help that everything happened at this particular Kaiser, and our family would be going to for a while, unless we change our medical insurance.

My Kaiser trips are not over yet.  I went back this afternoon for a little lecture on Snoring and Obstructive Sleeping Disorder.  Of course, this also brought back memories of the time we spent at the Sleep clinic where you were hooked up to all these monitors.  I have opted to try out the take-home sleep study to see how bad my sleep apnea is.  So, I'll be back to Kaiser for at least 2 more trips before my vacation is over.


Miss you,
Mommy

It's going to be a very different learning experience...

Dear Logan,

Mommy accompanied your brother to his new school today for his first trial day before officially starting on September 1.  All in all, I think Aidan enjoyed the new school as he didn't want to leave at around lunch time.  We will be back tomorrow afternoon, and he will do another trial day without my presence.

This school is very different from CCLC.  CCLC is a play-based program, and from what I saw, all the kids played most of the day, and academics are introduced through play.  If I had wanted Aidan to learn more, I would have to pay extra for it, which I didn't.  In a way, I was glad that Aidan started out at CCLC, where he got to socialize, play, have fun, and actually be a kid.  Because at his new school, everything will be different.

We got to school at 9:30 a.m., and the kids were about to start their first of three circle time of the day, Language skills.  Aidan joined in without problem, but was definitely confused when they were reciting the Pledge of Allegiance (I think?).  I was speaking with a teacher at the time,. who was introducing me to the different binders, cubbies, etc, while Aidan joined in the fun.  At the circle time, the teacher reviewed the letters of the alphabet and the sounds made by each letter.  No problem there, as Aidan knew all of his letters, and has learned the sounds at CCLC.  However, when they started playing Bingo, this was when I think Aidan was a little lost. Instead of the teacher reading out the picture and the kids put a cube on the their bingo cards indicating the picture, the teacher just gave out the sound of the first letter of the picture.  For example, if the picture is a fish, the teacher would say "Fffff", the students would have to determine what letter makes that sounds, then look at their cards to look for the picture of an object/animal that starts with the letter "F".  I was sitting away, so I wasn't sure how Aidan did.  If I could explain the instructions to him personally before it started, he might have done better.  However, it's towards the end of the school year, and I am sure the kids have played this game before.  I was actually proud of Aidan for sitting down criss-cross apple sauce quietly for the whole 45 minutes.

After circle time, it's free play time where different stations were open for the students to choose.  Aidan was immediately attracted by the dramatic play, kitchen and cars/trucks stations.  I was not surprised that he was far away from the tables set up for painting and puzzles.  Aidan was offered to have some snacks at the snack table, but he declined.  When the teacher turned off the lights, the students immediately stopped what they were doing and put their hands on their heads.  This signaled that it's time to clean up.  Aidan was alarmed and possibly a little scared, as he wasn't sure what was happening.  I, myself, was a little confused, too.  Seems a little too drastic to get the kids to clean up, but I guess that's the best way to get their attention.  All the children knew what to do, and started cleaning up.  Aidan helped out as well.

Now it's the time for the second circle time of the day, Math Skills.  Aidan had no problem with the calendar (month, day, and date) and was able to recognize all the numbers.  Students came out in pairs to locate the card with the correct number, and the teacher also tested them in locating the number before and after the given number, and locating the number that is larger or smaller.  Aidan has always been very good with numbers, so he has no difficulty in participating. 

Because of the large class size, even though the ratio is 1:10 (3 teachers and about 30 kids), I felt that it was difficult to engage all the kids and to keep them interested during the long sessions of circle time.  Each teacher was in charge of each circle time, and the other two teachers started preparing for open activities/snacks/decorating.  So that means the ratio became 1:30 during circle time.  It took a lot longer to get to each of the students for questions and games, thus, some kids got bored and started fidgeting and talking.  If Aidan were to come here when he's only 4 yrs old, I am sure he wouldn't be able to sit still during circle time.  But at 4.5 yrs old, I think he's old enough to really pay attention and learn.  I was so proud of him that he was able to sit still for so long.

After the second circle time, it was outside play time.  Some kids brought their swim wear, as it was sprinkler/water play day.  Perfect time as it's very hot today.  Aidan was running around in the playground (bigger than CCLC), and was a little lost and confused in the beginning.  He eventually shot some hoops, dragged a wagon around, and then sat down on the bench with two other kids.  Outside play seemed to be only 15-20 mins, and then the kids went in to prepare for lunch.  It seemed to be a little too short for the kids to run around and use up some of their energy.  They have another outdoor play time at the end of the day.

Nap is from 1- 3p.m., which is the same at CCLC.  Then it would be the third circle time, Social Studies.  Then snacks and more indoor play, and outdoor play.

We left at around noon.  Aidan wanted to stay, but I explained to him that he would be back tomorrow.  He said his goodbyes, and off we went to his favorite restaurant, The Pasta Market.

Overall, I think Aidan would be fine at the new school.  I think I am just more concerned about the transition.  I chose this school because it's more academically focused than CCLC, but now that I really sat in the class, I became worried.  There's homework to take home everyday, and I am not sure how Aidan would do.  He's at the age that he likes school, and likes to learn.  I just wish such eagerness to learn will continue for a long time.  He will have to do a lot of homework from now on.

Tomorrow, he will be on his own.  I still need to talk to Daddy about the drop-off and pick-up schedule.  It's easiest for Daddy to drop off and pick up as his work is closer to school.  But I want to be able to talk to the teacher and know how Aidan is doing as well.  I might need to change my work schedule to 8:30-4:30, and leave me 1.5 hrs to get to school to pick him up by 6.  We'll see.


Love you,
Mommy

Grandaunt's passing

Dear Logan,

As I told you that Ah Gung and Ah Po's trip was cut short, it was because of your grandaunt's passing (Ah Gung's older sister).  We received the news when we're in Los Angeles, bright early at 3:30 a.m.  I received a phone call from Macau about this news.  It was definitely a shock, and has changed the mood and the stress level for the remaining of our trip in LA and in Vegas.

Grandaunt has no children, and we're her only family.  Before Ah Gung and Ah Po came to visit, they have tried to persuade Grandaunt to install some kind of Life Alert system.  She lived alone, and after her last fall in her apartment without anyone knowing, Ah Gung took her to the hospital, and really tried to prevent a similar situation from happening again.  Unfortunately, Grandaunt didn't want to have the Life Alert system and barely turned on the cell phone that Ah Gung got her.  That's exactly what happened to her.  She fell in her apartment and nobody knew about it.

Ah Gung was stuck in a very difficult situation.  Should he cancel the trip right away and fly back to Macau?  Should Grandaunt #2 just go ahead to get things done in Macau?  Let's just say Ah Gung and her two sisters have a very complicated family history.  We tried to call the airline to see if we could change their flights, but it was Sunday and the reservations line was closed.  When we finally got through, we didn't have the e-ticket number with us to change the reservations, since the information is at home and not with us on our trip.

We struggled back and forth with the ticket number, calling Macau back and forth,  being in Las Vegas and not having all the paperwork at hand.  Finally, we're able to change the plane tickets.  Ah Gung and Ah Po would leave the same time as Uncle Carlos and Auntie Mena on Saturday.  They originally were going to stay until the end of the month, so that I could go back to work and not worried about childcare, as your brother doesn't start school until Sept 1.  But now that they're leaving earlier, I had to extend my vacation.  Luckily, work was understanding and granted the extension.

I didn't think anyone fully enjoyed the rest of the trip after knowing of Grandaunt's passing.  We're all stressing about the plane tickets, details of the funeral, finances, yet trying to have fun.  I don't think anyone had the time to properly mourn the death of my aunt.

Now that everyone is gone, they will be busy preparing for the memorial service and the funeral.  Luckily, Granduncle and Grandaunt #7 were assisting and representing us, in conjunction with the effort of Grandaunt #2 (Ah Gung's other sister).  I wish I could do more to help, physically and financially, but I can't.

I hope everything goes well.  This is a sudden and stressful situation.

You never had the chance to meet your Grandaunt, but maybe you will see her in heaven.  If you see her, tell her I said "Hi" and thank her for all the support she gave me during my college years.  I owed my college education to her.

Love you,
Mommy

Heartbreaking visit

Dear Logan,

Did it break your heart as well when Ah Po broke down and cried when visiting you?  I guess the thought of seeing you for the last time, and not being able to visit you more often really hit her.  When we first brought Ah Gung, Ah Po, Ah Yee and Kau Fu to see you, they were all calm and everything was fine.  Your brother was able to break the awkwardness by singing and dancing for you.  But because Ah Gung and Ah Po's trip was cut short, we had to see you one last time today before they all leave tomorrow.  Ah Po couldn't hold it anymore.  She just broke down and cried.  Ah Gung started sobbing as well.  I tried to hold it in as much as I could.  Aidan saw Ah Po crying, and I think it scared him a little bit.  He didn't know how to respond to the sudden change of emotions.  He chose to be in Daddy's car on our way to lunch, instead of coming with me.  I think he made the right choice.  My ride with Ah Gung and Ah Po to our lunch place was solemn.  I had to break the silence when we're close to the restaurant and informed them of our lunch options.

I'm not sure when they will be able to visit you again.  But I promise Mommy and Daddy and your big brother will come as often as we could.

Love and Miss you.
Mommy

Goodybe, CCLC....it's been a pleasure knowing you.

Dear Logan,

Yesterday marked the last day of school at CCLC for your brother.  Another chapter of his life has closed, but that only means another chapter is about to open.  Even though Aidan has only been to CCLC for 18 months, he has grown and learned, and made many new friends.  I remember the day when we visited CCLC, and I even brought you with me.  I remember I had you in my arms, while carrying a backpack with your oxygen tank.  I must have scared a few teachers along the way.

There were ups and downs during your brother's short stay.  The main event had to be when the teachers and Director of the program recommended your brother to be tested for Autism.  It's not the worst news of the world, as you know I've HAD the worst news before, but it's still devastating.  We went through testing through Kaiser, and of course your brother was fine.  He was just being a 3-year old boy.

Fast forward to today.  He's 4.5 and will be onto the next journey to a new school in September.  He has made so many new friends, been to so many birthday parties, given the opportunities to explore and learn.  I am going to think of the positive of the ridiculous staff turnover at school, and think of it as a learning opportunity for Aidan to learn from each teacher he has the pleasure to work with.  He loves school.  Most of the time when I pick him up from school, he wouldn't want to go, but to continue playing with his friends.  I have seen him mature, especially within the last few weeks.  Instead of being a monkey and running around, riding his tricycle or swinging on the play structure, he's been sitting down quietly playing tic-tac-toe, writing, or doing some quiet activities in the afternoon.

I sure wish Aidan would love school as much as he does at his new school, and for the rest of his life.

Love,
Mommy

How to find the balance

Dear Logan,

I've always tried to be very cognizant of the fact that your brother is an only child (not that I want to negate your existence), and that I can't spoil him rotten.  But also because of you, I've treasured the time and things that I do with him even more.  Well, granted I have my many moments of sitting in front of my laptop or TV instead of playing with him.  I always try to make sure he is happy and I want him to grow up to be happy and healthy.  Sometimes, I find it difficult to find that balance of catering to his happiness versus disciplining and not spoiling him.

He's only 4.5 yrs old.  He's a happy and healthy.  He loves going to school and playing with his friends.  Because he's not a baby anymore, he ought to know what he should and shouldn't do (for certain things).  I think sometimes we forget that he's still only a little boy, though he talks and acts like a little man these days.  Should we discipline him because he's not sitting still at the dinner table, or let it slide because he's only a 4 year-old energetic boy?  Should we force him to finish dinner, or let him go to bed hungry and learn his lesson?  Are we treating him like a 14-yr old sometimes, expecting too much from him?  He drives me crazy sometimes when he doesn't listen.  I just need to remind myself that, he's only 4.  But, am I letting him get his away by always using the excuse that he's still little? What's the middle road?

It's hard enough to find the balance in life for myself.  And it's even harder when you're a parent, trying to be a good and fair one, versus a mean and angry one.  The fact that I am 99.9999% sure that your brother will grow up as an only child, just makes this balance even more important.

Speaking of being the only child, it always saddens me when I go to a park or attend a birthday party, and then see other kids playing with their siblings.  Your brother will never be able to play with you anymore.  It hurts every single time I think about it.  I miss you, and I want him to have someone to play with.  I don't want Aidan to grow up to be lonely.

The other day, he was going through my computer and watching all the videos that I've taken.  He came across your pictures and your videos, and kept on playing this one video of your cooing and sneezing.  Oh, how I miss you at that point.  I told your brother I missed you,  and he said he missed you, too.  He still remembered you were at the hospital, and when he asked why you're there, I had to explain to him that you were sick.  I was glad I have taken pictures and videos of you (wishing I had taken a lot more), because Aidan can always watch them again, and never forget about you.  I don't know when he will be old enough to know the truth of your passing, and why we kept on visiting you at the cemetery.  I dread the arrival of that day.

I know I should write more often.  I just find it harder and harder to find the time and energy to actually write. There are many things I want to tell you.  But by the time I actually sit down, I forget what I was going to say.


Miss you,
Mommy

Quiet evening

Dear Logan,

Mommy got a little time tonight to enjoy a quiet evening in my office.  I don't spend much time down here, since I am usually with your brother in the living room, using my laptop or just watching TV.  Since Daddy is sleeping with Aidan tonight, and there's nothing on TV, I am spending a little more time in my office web surfing (as always) and organizing some pictures.

We went to Gilroy Gardens today again. Aidan and I got the season passes, and we're definitely making good use of them.  We've already been to the park 4 times this season.  Got my money worth!  Gilroy Gardens is a fun little theme park where your brother can get on most rides.  We had a lot of fun today with many uncles and aunties as well, and had a delicious picnic lunch.  It's such a beautiful and fun day.

Aidan actually caught a stomach virus earlier this week.  He had a fever for two days, and threw up 3 times one day.  I was especially worried this time around because he appeared so tired and sleepy.  He's had fevers before and has thrown up before, but he's still usually pretty much like himself.  But this time around, he was so tired and sleepy on the first day he got a fever that I got a little concerned.  I know from experience that calling Kaiser is not much of a help.  I already knew what to do when it's a low-grade fever since he's had quite a fever of those throughout his life.  Luckily, he got better after a couple of days.

Three more weeks to my vacation.  I've been planning and looking forward to this vacation for MONTHS.  I can't wait to spend more time with my family, go to Disneyland and to Las Vegas.  You know, Mommy gets super obsessive when it comes to travel planning.  I've been obsessively reading forum posts and trip reports on Tripadvisor, and continues to search for great hotel deals online.  Vacations are expensive, I need to make sure I am getting the best deals in town, so that I can have some extra money for shopping, eating and a little gambling.

How are you doing up there? 


Love,
Mommy

Recap: San Antonio Trip

Dear Logan,

Mommy has been slacking off again, and hasn't written to you in almost a month.  Of course, a lot has happened and I finally have the time to sit down and write to you.  Let me tell you about our San Antonio trip!

The main reason for the trip was for Uncle Harold's retirement from the Air Force.  It was a nice short vacation to get away from the busy, busy life in the Bay Area, to a completely different environment, and not to worry about anything but what to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner.

Day 1 - June 3:
We arrived at around dinner time and after checking into our hotel,Courtyard Marriott at Stone Oak, we went over to Uncle Harold and Auntie Judy's house.  Auntie Neil was already there, and we just spent a casual evening catching up and enjoying each other's company.  It was great to finally meet little Alan.  He has gone through so much, especially when he has to go through chemotherapy again.  Luckily, Alan seemed to be in a great & active mood, and we had a lot of fun.

Day 2 - June 4: 
This is the big day for Uncle Harold's fini flight.  We went over to the Sanders in the morning, picked up Grandma and headed to Subway to pick up 4 super long sandwiches for the retirement lunch party.  We then followed directions carefully written by Uncle Harold and Auntie Judy to the Randolph Air Fore Base.  This was such an honorable and memorable experience: from entering into the AF Base, to seeing Uncle Harold flying back, to the special "water" ceremony, and the official retirement ceremony and speeches, everything was just perfect! 

After the celebration was over, we went back to our hotel room for an afternoon nap.  We didn't have enough sleep the night before because of jetlag, and after a morning out in the sun, a nap was a wise decision.  At night, we headed out to the famous Riverwalk district in San Antonio.  We didn't walk around too much because of the heat, even at night. However, we did do the tour boat ride and just let the boat do the walking for us.  We had our first Texas steaks of the trip at Lonestar, and apparently picked a not-so-good restaurant.  The meal was just ok.

Day 3 - June 5:
We met up with the Sanders again in the morning for brunch at a Mexican restaurant that close to our hotel.  Food was good and best of all, there's a big play structure outside the restaurant for the kids to play around.  In the afternoon, we tested out the hotel's swimming pool, and your brother had his first swim ever!  He was a little scared in the beginning, and holding onto Daddy and Mommy like a koala.  Eventually, he warmed up and had a lot of fun playing in the water.  He's still scared, and didn't like water in his eyes (just like Mommy!) but he didn't want to leave.

At night, we went over to the Sanders again for Uncle Harold's retirement dinner party.  More delicious food!  Your brother wanted to play in their backyard with all the kids the whole time, and I was dreading the hot and humid weather.  And let me tell you, those San Antonio mosquitoes weren't kind to me!  I got huge bug bites that lasted for DAYS!!  In the end, it was a nice party.  Just chilling and watching the kids play.  Like I said, this is a very relaxing trip and that's what I needed.

Day 4 - June 6:
Today's the day we went to Morgan's Wonderland.  This is a very unique and special theme park especially for children with special needs.  The place was beautiful and so ADA accessible.  Everything was new and everyone was friendly.  All of the staff that I came in contact with were volunteers, and they were all 100% friendly!  San Antonio is lucky to have such a great place for the little ones.  We stayed there for a long time and left pretty late.  We had to keep hydrated the whole time as it was pretty hot.  Luckily, they had an indoor area blasting A/C where the kids could play.  It was heaven!  The theme park also tried to have a lot of shades and mist machines in a lot of the areas.  I was just not used to the weather.  I bet for the locals, it wasn't too hot as it was overcast that day.

After Morgan's Wonderland, we went back to the hotel to rest.  At night, we out to the Riverwalk area again and tried out another steakhouse.  Luckily, this time the steaks at Texas Land and Cattle Steak House were a lot better!  Actually, for whatever reason, our food came out really slowly and our waitress said something about helping out in the kitchen, and apologized for the lack of service and food by giving us free steaks!  Woohoo!  Our whole meal only cost us $20!  What a nice way to end our trip.

Day 5 - June 7:
This is the day we had to go back home.  We had breakfast at Las Palapas, which seemed like a chain Mexican restaurant.  We didn't need anything fancy, but just want something we can't find back home.  Food was good and we're satisfied.  Sadly, it was time to go to the airport.

It was a great and fun trip.  Now, I am looking forward to our big August vacation.  Work has been so crazy that I really, really, really need a long vacation.


Love you,
Mommy

So much has happened!

Dear Logan,

I am so sorry that I haven't been writing to you.  Mommy has been busy and stressed out about work.  By the time I get home from work, I didn't feel like doing much writing.  Now that I have a minute to sit down and won't be distracted, I think I should probably update you on what's going on in our lives.

- Mother's Day we celebrated at Gilroy Gardens.  I finally purchased the season pass and a pass for your brother.  We've only been there twice, but will definitely make good use of it.  Your brother had a lot of fun there, and wants to go back all the time.  The theme park has a lot of shades, and the rides are perfect for your brother's age.  It's not too big, so even if we've been walking around, it's actually not too tiring.  Your brother's favorite ride is the choo choo train!

- Mommy's friend at work is going through a lot lately.  Her mother came San Francisco to visit, and was seriously injured during a hike.  A branch fell off the tree and almost paralyzed her.  Luckily, she survived, but is going through rehab and still battling severe pain.  I feel so bad for my friend.  I totally understand the feeling of seeing your loved one lie on a hospital bed, being intubated and suffering, while you couldn't do anything to help. Everyone is optimistic that she would recover, but it's going to be a long road with a lot of pain killers.

- On the other hand, another co-worker of mine is battling cancer.  My understand is that she is going through chemotherapy and is recovering well.  But just the thought of another person affected by cancer is horrible.

- Speaking of cancer, our dear little friend Alan is going through chemo as well.  His tumor came back and threw everyone a big curve ball.  We're actually going to San Antonio to celebrate Uncle Harold's retirement from the Airforce and little Alan's successful fight against cancer this coming Thursday.  Unfortunately, Alan's party would have to be postponed.  I read a sad sad post on Uncle Harold's Facebook page about Alan's loss of hair AGAIN.  It's sad to see your little one and the whole family going through this again.  But on the bright side, the loss of hair proves that the chemo is working in fighting the tumor.

- Mommy has been obsessively researching about our August Family trip when Ah Gung, Ah Po, Uncle Carlos and Auntie Mena come to visit us.  I'm planning a S. Cal + Vegas trip.  I've been trying to find great deals, and ways on saving money.  The Tripadvisor Las Vegas forum has been my latest obsession.  I am always there reading about people's trip reports and finding out the best deals and best restaurants.

- The biggest stressor of life is my job.  I think I am at the point where I really need the change.  Daddy has been trying to get me to change to a different job for the longest time, but I have been reluctant because I like my job and it's flexible.  But after our move, the commute to work is so long that I often get too tired when I come home.  I don't have the energy to play with your brother, thus ending him sitting in front of the tv or computer a lot in the evenings.  I tried to make it up by taking him to do fun things on the weekends, but that also means I have no time to relax.  Besides, the price of gas is also killing me.  I hate to think that it's all about money, but the reality is, money does play a big role in this decision.  Your brother's private education is not cheap and Mommy really loves to travel but couldn't do so as much as I wanted.  If I can get a job closer to home and pays more, then life might be better.  Or maybe not, as I might hate my new job!  I don't know.  I can't really do anything now aside from updating my resume.  At least, I have to wait till my August vacation is over, then I can seriously and actively look for another job.  No new job will let me take 3 weeks off from work.  Wish me luck.

A quick update on life.  I promise I will write more often.

Love and miss you,
Mommy

March for Babies

Dear Logan,

Sorry I didn't get to write to you earlier. It's been a busy week and I finally got to sit down in front of my computer and concentrate on writing to you. Last Saturday's walk was wonderful. There was a great turnout and it appeared that there were many more walkers this year than last year.

Team The Arc of San Francisco was able to raise about $4000! How amazing is that! More than half of that amount was raised by my clients. I was so proud of them to be so actively soliciting donations from their friends, family and coworkers. About $700 was raised by our Adobo Chicken Lunch Sale and the Coffee and Bagel Sale. An about $1000 was raised by Mommy. I am grateful that friends continue to support my effort to raise money. Even though you're not born a preemie, I still felt a close connection to all the little babies we saw at the NICU, and especially when this walk happens each year so close to your anniversary.

The night before the walk, we stayed at Grandma's house so that we didn't have to drive up to SF early in the morning. I couldn't sleep that night. My brain was too busy thinking about the walk and I was too anxious. Even though I didn't have coffee all day on Saturday, adrenaline was pumping and I was full of energy. But by the end of the day, my coffee headache came and I needed my 'drug'.

We arrived at Fort Mason at around 8:30 a.m. and I frantically tried to locate a table or a tent for our team. I then found out that only companies with big sponsors got one of the white tents. I then located a spot right next to the stage and waited for my clients and staff to arrive. People slowly arrived in groups by bus. The walk started at around 9:20 a.m. Uncle Yance and his friends joined us again this year and we all did the whole 6.25 miles. I was happy to see that some clients and staff made it all the way as well. Everyone seemed to be very excited and it didn't hurt that the weather was beautiful. Your brother walked about 2 miles with Grandma, and then sat in the stroller on his way back. I was glad I borrowed back the stroller I gave away for your brother. I wouldn't want to carry him back. I was so tired.

After the walk, we headed back to Grandma's house for a long afternoon nap. Had dinner with her and then drove back home. If we drove home right after, your brother would just sleep uncomfortably in the car and then wake up when we got home. That means none of us would be able to recuperate. The following days, I was so sore. Mommy is really out of shape.

It was a great event and I am glad we got to do this again. It's too soon to think about next year. A lot can happen in a year.

Were you watching us while we walked? We're doing it in memory of you.


Love you,
Mommy

One year ....

Dear Logan,

Today is the first year anniversary of your passing.  I really can't imagine it's been a year already.  I can still remember clearly everything that happened a year ago. I did take a day off from work today. At first, I didn't know if I should, as I really didn't know what I should do if I did take it off.  But then, it didn't seem right if I work and pretend today is not a special day.  So instead of drowning myself in sorrow and re-read my blog posts, I scheduled a haircut appointment to cut 10 inches off to donate to Locks of Love.  I was inspired by Auntie Judy and Little Alan to donate my hair.

I went to Legar Salon in Palo Alto to get my hair cut.  I looked online to find a salon that has experiences cutting hair for Locks of Love, and found this one.  Oh my, this is the most expensive haircut I've ever gotten in my life. To a lot of people, it's not expensive, but I'm used to going to cheap Chinese places to get my $10-15 cuts.  $40 for a haircut is quite a lot for me.  But it's all good.  I think Katie did a good job and I am very happy with my haircut.  I was surprised 10 inches of hair is actually not as long as I thought.  I thought I would have super short hair, but am pleasantly surprised that I didn't end up with a very boyish hair cut.  Now I just need to mail my ponytail out.

My only regret for today is the inability to hang up your quilt.  I've been hoping to do that today, but by the time we got home from visiting you and dinner, it's already past 8 p.m.  Hammering at 8 p.m. but not be very considerate. We'll just have to do it this weekend.

Though I didn't re-read my blog posts, I did take out my "Logan Box".  A box that holds all of my memories of you: your first Santa outfit, your little hat, cards, documents, toys, and medical records.  I've been trying to keep myself very busy today.  I miss you, but I was too busy to dwell on it and cry.  I know these feelings come and go.  I would be fine for a while, but then the overwhelming feeling of sadness can hit me anytime, mostly when I am driving.

Now, I'll just focus all of my energy on next Saturday's March for Babies.



Miss and Love you,
Mommy