The stay at CCN and ICN did not end as expected. Logan was supposed to be discharged on Tuesday, November 18, 2008, after his culture results came back fine. However, because he was sleepy and not feeding well the whole time he was at CCN, the doctors decided to keep him longer for monitoring.
On this very day, he had an episode. An episode so scary that we would never forget and thank god it happened at the hospital and not when he was discharged and went home already. After coming back from lunch, we saw the nurses working on Logan, trying to resuscitate him as he stopped breathing for a minute. I could see his purple face and body, so lifeless. It was the most horrible thing a mother could witness, or anyone. I was balling, couldn't stop crying for the whole time. All the doctors and nurses rushed in and thank goodness they were able to revive him. After that episode, he was given a cannula for oxygen and his oxygen level has been monitored ever since. A series of blood tests had to be done to try to find out what happened. For the next two weeks, more and more blood tests were done, chest x-rays, genetic blood tests, head scans, MRI, etc. He's been poked so many times that I couldn't bear to look at all the needles. I had to excuse myself every time they poked him or put an IV in him (in his hand, foot, head, and back to hand again). Fortunately, or unfortunately, all the results came back negative and nothing was wrong with Logan. No one knew for sure why Logan couldn't take in enough oxygen.
I found out that normal oxygen in the air is about 21%, and Logan needed extra support of oxygen at 50-60% for the first week of his life. His second week, the oxygen level has decreased to 30-40% and he's eating better and gaining a little more weight. He would not be able to leave the hospital unless he could be off the cannula or extra oxygen support for at least 7 days. His muscle tone seemed to be on the low side, compared to other full-term baby.
Logan is in the nursery with all the other preemies, and I really don't know why he's there. He's full-term, no complications during pregnancy, labor or delivery. Yet, he's not eating well, always sleepy, and add on to that, not enough oxygen.
Aidan has never met Logan, and we never mentioned him to Aidan. Eventually, we would take Aidan to the hospital, however, we wanted to make sure Logan is getting better and he's off his cannula. Everyday when I go to the hospital to spend time with Logan, Aidan would think that I am going to work. Aidan is doing part-time daycare, and part-time stay home with my parents. Grandparents would visit Logan at the hospital once or twice a week.
When I'm at the hospital, I try to feed him and hold him, and to pump as much breast milk as possible. I realized that my supply is low, partly because Logan has never mastered breastfeeding and he's not on my breast to help stimulate milk. Just the thought of breastfeeding stresses me out. I really wanted to breastfeed Logan when he was first born, but he was too tired and sleepy to suck anything. I even had a lactation consultant to work with me, but we couldn't wake him up. Now Logan is more awake and I am scared to try. I'll just religiously pump every 3 hours, day and night, though I have to admit, I slacked off at night sometimes and overslept.
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