It's just going downhill from now on...

Day 37 - Hospital Stay
Day 32 - Intubated

Logan's sodium level continues to go up and down. He has the Syndrome of Inappropriate Antidiuretic Hormone (SIADH). His brain is basically not regulating the kidney to do it's job to control the amount of water in his body. If they feed him, his sodium level drops and messes up the electrolytes in his system. But, they cannot not feed him. It's a catch-22. The only thing they could do now is to decrease the amount of feed at a rate of 10 with concentrated 24 cal formula. He's been having periodic episodes where his face will swell from retaining too much water. He has enough wet diapers, but not enough to get all the excess out.

More physical tests will be arranged for Logan to get a better understanding of how his little body is doing. MRI is scheduled for tomorrow. An Opthamalogist will be consulted to see him again. Will also do an EEG to see if his brain is responding, or if he's having any seizures that we're unaware of. We're trying to gather as much objective information as possible before meeting with the Geneticist, hopefully, on Thursday.

Deep down, I can sense that he's not getting any better. I've been questioning why he's so calm even with so little sedation. A couple weeks ago, the nurses had to keep giving him medication to keep him comfortable. Now, he's only on 0.3ml Ativan, and the tube doesn't bother him a bit. Even though his eyes are open, I think he is losing his ability to sense any outside stimuli. His breathing pattern is becoming erratic again. He's having long pauses in between breaths. He was doing so good 2 days ago, or at least I thought so. His right face starts to twitch a little. These are all my very subjective observations. That's why we need all the other objective tests to tell us what's really going on inside Logan.

I've been trying so hard to keep that nasty picture of him dying in my arms. Just a few days ago, I thought we made a comfortable decision that we could live with. Now, we have to re-visit the painful process again. This is all going too fast. He's not even 5 months old.