Do not be afraid, you're not alone...

Hello Sweetheart,

I hope you don't feel too lonely in your new 'home'? Mommy was so careless and forgetful that I forgot to pack everything before this morning. I should have done this way ahead of time: to pack the little stuff animal that Auntie Stacy got you, the rattler that Uncle Kyle and Auntie Leonor gave you, and especially the pendant and necklace that Auntie Mena sent from Macau. I even forgot to bring our family pictures. Luckily, Mommy was able to print some pictures at Kinko's today before heading to Gate of Heaven. I don't want you to be lonely. You need to know that you will forever be in our hearts.

Mommy did good today. I was calm and did not cry like a baby. When I picked you up from the funeral home, you were in this beautiful urn. I am sad because I could never hold your tiny little hands, kiss you on your forehead, or rock you to sleep while singing lulabies to you anymore. But I was holding you tight while traveling up to the cemetery. I could see that Daddy and Grandma missed you just as much as I did. Grandma was holding you, and couldn't stop rubbing the urn, just like when she was holding you in her arms. Daddy and Mommy were sad knowing that Grandma, Ah Gung and Ah Po were all crying when you left us. This is so heartbreaking, even though we know you're in a better place.

Did you see the pretty roses that Grandma and Grandpa got you? How about the lovely pot of chrysanthemum that Uncle John brought for you? Of course, don't forget the family picture we took on Christmas morning with Ah Gung and Ah Po, and a picture with Grandma right before you were hospitalized. We were so happy then.

But seeing your tiny urn inside the huge grave, got us all very upset. We didn't know it's going to look like that. Grandma was so upset that we didn't get you a nice box, so that we could put you in, before you touching the soil. We thought there would be a metal frame of some sort in the soil. You looked so alone in there. It was such a huge space for you. I am so sorry. Mommy really didn't know what to expect. Please don't be afraid, we will bring you more flowers and stuff animals on Friday. On Friday, Daddy and Mommy will be up there again to design your marker, and to visit you. Unfortunately, we couldn't come tomorrow because we had a lot of errands to do. Mommy will tell you all about it tomorrow, ok?

Mommy knows you are finally at peace. I am relieved, though the sadness is still there. There are still moments when I miss you so much. But I think I am doing well. Reading about other mommie's stories, and writing to you, have been helpful.

Take care for now, Mommy will talk to you some more tomorrow.


Love you,
Mommy