He looks comfortable

Day 43 - Hospital Stay
Day 38 - Intubated

Logan doesn't look as swollen today, which is good. The nurses gave him a nice bath, so that he doesn't stink. When I held him yesterday, I could smell his stinky, sour neck. During the bath, he didn't really open his eyes. He just did his usual coughing when the tube was irritating him, and when they suctioned his tube. I went over to him after the bath, to put the Elmo socks and his necklace/pendant back on his feet. I felt his chubby little thighs and sang him "Hush Little Baby". He slowly opened his eyes, and continued to open and close his eyes periodically. If Logan could hear, he would recognize that song. I sang that song to Aidan every night when I put him to bed, while Logan was inside my tummy. I sang that song to Logan when I was trying to put him to sleep when he was home. I remember he used to cry a lot at night, and we're not sure if it's the acid reflux, or colic, or he's just not comfortable. I would hold him, rock sideways and sing him the song. That usually calmed him down.

The Chief came in and asked if I wanted to hold him. I declined, especially, since he's opening his eyes. It's such a bittersweet moment. Trust me, I would love to hold him every single day, and kiss his head while I do that. But knowing his future and him being awake, holding him becomes heartbreaking. I don't think I am emotionally strong enough to do that. I'll just go by his bedside, feel his arms and legs, sing or talk to him every once in a while, so that he knows Mommy is still there.

Logan's blood pressure is a little low today. It just further shows that his body is getting tired. We have a few more days to make preparations. All I wish is for Logan to stay comfortable, and conscious enough to know that Daddy and Mommy are with him everyday and love him very, very much.