I dreamt of you

Dear Logan,

Mommy had a first dream of you last night...it's more like early this morning. I think I saw you in an open casket, just like you were sleeping. There were people who were trying to bury you. But before they could dig up some dirt with their shovels and pour that onto you, you opened your eyes. I told them to stop and told them you're awake. You looked like you woke up from your sleep, cried a little, and then looked around. You were as if checking out the environment, trying to figure out what was going on. Then, your big brother woke me up. I think I tried to go back to sleep to see you again, but before I could dream again, your brother woke me up again. When I was awake, I didn't feel sad. I told myself, I saw Logan. This is my first time dreaming of you. I told myself I have to blog about this dream, so that I will never forget about it. I remember your eyes were so wide-opened, just like when you were at home, looking around.

Maybe it's all the baby news, and the news of my friend's baby that prompted me to miss you even more. Or maybe, you know it's Mommy's birthday, and you wanted to surprise me and say "Happy Birthday". Or maybe, Mommy subconsciously misses you a lot, even though consciously I am pre-occupied with taking care of your brother. Whatever the reason it may be, I am glad that I saw your face again.

Today was a good day. I spent time with family and friends. We went to Fisherman's Wharf with Ah Gung, Ah Po, Auntie Mena and big brother for dim sum, played a little and walked around. At night, Mommy had dinner with Father Conroy and some friends from Church. During Father's homily, I thought of you. I thought of how you have brought me closer to God again. Mommy has abandoned God the last few years because of all these excuses. But because of you, I am closer to God again. I remember Father said, his prayers are for Mommy and all of us here, not especially for you, because you are already in good hands. It's us that need the extra support. He is right. You are in a better and happier place. You are our little guardian angel.

Time for Mommy to sleep. Tomorrow will be a very busy day. I will tell you all about Mommy's birthday celebration tomorrow.


Miss you,
Mommy