Another child?

Dear Logan,

Ah Po is home! She's discharged from the hospital today. Don't worry about her, she's in good spirits and health. Now Ah Gung doesn't have to go back and forth, to and from the hospital, and can actually stay home and rest. Ah Po also reminded me that June 4 marks the 49th day of your passing. I believe according to the Chinese customs, 7 weeks x 7 days is an important day. So, we will have another mass for you at 7:30 a.m. that day. Do you know June 4 is also a significant day in Chinese history? This year, it marks the 20th anniversary of the TianAnMen Massacre back in 1989. News have already started talking about vigils and celebrations of this day. I remember in 1989, Mommy also participated in demonstrations in Macau to protest the massacre. I can't imagine it's been 20 years already.

It's a simple day today for Mommy and your big brother. We met up with one of Mommy's old friends for lunch at Pokka Cafe. Then Mommy took your big brother to the New Yaohan shopping center for a little while. We just went to the supermarket floor, so that your brother could sit in the little car, while Mommy shop around. I bought some Hokkaido Homemade Ice cream. It tasted ok, but I prefer the smoother and creamier texture of American ice-cream.

In the afternoon, Mommy and your grandaunt #6 took Aidan to the playground at "2 Dragon Monkey". Upon entering, there's a small store that sold bubble guns. Of course, knowing your brother, he has to have it. So we bought him one and he spent a good amount of time playing with his bubbles. I was glad to see him playing with another boy, who is probably 6 yrs old. They were playing with their bubble guns, on the slide and running around. It's nice to see your brother interact with other kids, even though they couldn't really communicate.

However, upon seeing this kid, it got me thinking of your brother's future. This kid came to the playground with his dad, who was on his crackberry the whole time. This boy obviously needed attention and desperately wanted to play with other kids. If Mommy decides not to have another baby, would your brother end up being like this older boy? He seems lonely. I don't want your brother to grow up feeling lonely, or spoiled, because he doesn't have any siblings. We don't have many relatives in the Bay Area, and he won't have cousins to play with. But, I just can't fanthom having another baby. Mommy is scared. What if another baby also has the inherited DNA mutation? Mommy and Daddy, Ah Gung, Ah Po, Grandma and Grandpa, we couldn't bear losing another child.

It's still too early to think of having another child. Mommy first needs to meet with the Geneticist when I go back, to get the result of the blood test. Until now, there have been different people suggesting us trying to have another child in the future. Each time, Mommy responded "NO". That's it. But seeing this boy today, reminds me of how lonely your brother could be. I know Aidan could be a great big brother. He was great with you. He was tender, copied what we said and did to you, and he's not selfish. He always was the first to come to you when you cried, then patted you, and said "Ng hou mung" (don't be mad). That was priceless.

The weather forecast said it might rain for the next few days. Which means, cooler weather. That's a relief, but I like sunny skies.

Are you enjoying life in heaven?


Miss you,
Mommy